Penpusher
Posted: 2012-04-10T22:16:38+10:00 In:

When his optical implants are switched off, a private investigator must reanimate his hated android to help solve the case of a billionaire missing after an explosion on the Hilton Space Hotel

This is a graphic novel that is to be turned into a feature film script

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    1. I like it better now.

      Still it feels as if there are two inciting incidents:

      1. his optical implants are switched off
      2. the billionaire goes missing.

      As a result it is not clear what the chronology of the events is.

      The first one is technically an obstacle on the way of achieving the goal.

      And the reanimation of the droid is not really the important thing. The fact that they will have to work together, is. So perhaps rephrase to “with the help of his most hated android”.

      I still find the “when his optical implants are switched off” convoluted. It’s only a very brief moment, that doesn’t bear any importance other than for its outcome. For the sake of the story, he’s blind. Period.

      What do you think of this:

      When a billionaire goes missing after an explosion on the Space Hilton, a blind private investigator must solve the case with the help of his most hated android.

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