When his reflection changes to a young woman who needs his help, a reclusive author must enter Miraland and lead the rebellion against the crooked regime before the corruption spills into the real world.
Mike PedleySingularity
When his reflection changes to a young woman who needs his help, a reclusive author must enter Miraland and lead the rebellion against the crooked regime before the corruption spills into the real world.
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>>>crooked regime before the corruption spills into the real world.
So what?? There are so many crooked regimes and corruption in the real world, what difference will one more make?? What is so gawdawful about the regime in the mirror world that makes it worst than anything in this world — the worst of all possible worlds?
Alas, my impression of the logline through all the iterations is that of an interesting inciting incident, a good idea in quest of a worthy plot.? As Woody Allen said, “Good ideas are a dime a dozen: ‘It’s the then what?’ that kills you.”
more random thoughts ~
1.
Who–from Mirraland–will follow his rebellion, if they intend to overthrow the real world? Which reminds me…. What would they achieve by corrupting the real world? (Just interested…)
2.
I learned from Richiev that an Inciting incident and the Goal that it engenders, benefit from a single causality. IOW, it would be better if – as a result of her appearance (your current inciting incident) his Goal becomes to lead the rebellion (your current Goal), which isn’t the case. What if your inciting incident was “When HIS reflection begs for help…”? {because What-specifically-do you wish to achieve by ‘turning him against his self’ (although, that sounds cool..)}
3.
…& Whatever you end up using (..his mirror self as an antagonist or protagonist), not mentioning it would be burying your hook!
4.
re-quoting Nettle: You NEED to specify the nature of ‘corruption’ and the threat of ‘crooked regime’
Good Luck mikepedley85!
Given that your premise is interesting, it lacks clarity. You need to specify the nature of corruption and the threat of crooked regime. What will the crooked regime do that shall affect your character and the Miraland’s population?
“When a princess in his mirror pleads for help, a clever glass maker enters Mirrorland?and uses his talents to help the people overthrow the evil wizard who has taken their land.”
>>spends their time coming up with creative ideas and thinking about problems in different ways
Then what’s his character arc? It’s better that a character be someone who never had to come up with creative solutions — he’s ill-equipped to do so.? The plot attacks him where he? is most vulnerable, forces him to develop strength where he is weakest.
>>Accountant
It’s an established fact that the most creative people in Hollyweird are the accountants — it’s why there is never any profit points for writers no matter how huge the movie gross.? 🙂
The standard formula is that the central conflict forces the protagonist to confront his character flaw and overcome it in order to prevail.? But the? “final exam”? does not occur until the 3rd Act.? If his flaw is that he’s reclusive, it would seem that he would have to confront and overcome it the moment he’s pulled through the looking glass into Miraland — otherwise he’s doomed from the git-go of the 2nd Act.
Just saying.
The stakes feel just a bit underwhelming to me… we’ve already got plenty of corruption on our own. Will there be, like, monsters and stuff that will get through? Things that are… I dunno, scarier?
So, the inciting incident is when she pulls him through the mirror?? He can’t get there on his own?
Interesting premise.? A missing logical link in my mind is how does he enter Miraland?? How does he know how to enter?
sounds awesome as a premise
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Why him? What are the stakes if he doesn’t?
Maybe connect his being a ‘reclusive author’ to how only he can help, and thus must. Maybe Miraland is part of the fiction he’s currently writing…… inspired by his recurring dream….. so he ‘literally’ wrote the physics that govern this world….
Good Luck mikepedley85