When his wife and daughter are both kidnapped and held in different locations, an emotionally stunted man must choose which one to save in a race against time.
staryuLogliner
When his wife and daughter are both kidnapped and held in different locations, an emotionally stunted man must choose which one to save in a race against time.
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Hello, as far as I’m concerned it’s not a good idea to build a logline around a choice. A choice is a matter of one scene. What will we SEE in the movie? A man thinking one hour and a half about saving his daughter or his wife :)? I’m sure this is not your story! So try to tell the true story. Good luck!
Just to cut some words, “held in different locations” could be “separated”. Honestly, I think it could be smoother if you don’t even specifically mention that they are separated, because by saying that he has to choose implies that they are in different locations, or that he would only be able to save one of them because the other would get killed, etc.
I agree with the previous reviews, “emotionally stunted” is too vague. I think just saying “veteran” or something would establish that 1) he has the skills to be able to rescue them in the first place, and 2) he probably has some form of trauma from combat.
While you say “in a race against time,” you never mention an action that the antagonists would commit. While it is implied that they’d be killed, it just seemed kind of odd to me. Maybe you could mention some kind of ransom or at a delivered threat?
This is pretty clean. You?ve got a problem, a time constraint, a villain, a proactive goal, and a protagonist with some depth.
Your villain and time constraint are vague. And emotionally stunted sounds kind of weird (war vet, PTSD, BPD)…
But I don’t think I can improve it. If I tried, it wouldnt fit your story but here goes.
When his wife and daughter are both kidnapped and held in different locations, this Vietnam war vet must choose which one to save from the mercenaries.
Good in this form except for the emotionally stunted. The term is vague. It doesn’t add to the story as it doesn’t inform the decision making. You can just remove it and it works.
Perhaps try the answering “why not call the cops”.