This is an animation script about a group of gray squirrels that live in a megacity park. It is entitled “The Amazing Grays”
plays_with_wordsPenpusher
When humans cut down her park tree, a quirky, gray squirrel must join a tribe to make it through winter; but when she causes the death of her chipmunk sidekick and is compelled by her tribe to expel her love interest, she is forced to grow up in order to survive the winter.
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The word ‘When’ usually describes an inciting incident.
You have two ‘when’s’ in your logline, indicating two inciting incidents…
This is a logline issue. (Or perhaps a story issue)