When hunting season nears for the 20th time in his career, a miserable assassin enrolls in his pregnant wife?s yoga and pilates class to rediscover a desire to kill.
EethanSamurai
When hunting season nears for the 20th time in his career, a miserable assassin enrolls in his pregnant wife?s yoga and pilates class to rediscover a desire to kill.
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You have the irony down, which conveys comedy. I don’t think you need the part about the pregnant wife in the logline.
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“When he enrolls in a new age yoga class, a despondent assassin realizes he must become one with himself if he is to rediscover his love of killing”
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I believe what your logline or story needs is an opposite. Someone with the opposite attributes and personality of the assassin who will both annoy and help him grow. And just when he grows to like them he finds out they are his next target.
Hope that helps, good luck with this.
The logline would benefit from a more specific objective goal and stakes. Like he needs to reconnect with his love for killing because he’s just been given the biggest contract and most dangerous target of his career, the one that will enable him to retire and focus his life on being a family man.
dpg, I would agree about the goal… however the story shouldn’t be changed too far or it will lose it’s uniqueness. The ‘one last hit’ so the lead can retire is alright for a normal story idea, however as I read this logline, it appears to be, “City Slickers” but with an assassin.
The lead must rediscover his love of killing the same way the lead in city slickers must rediscover his smile.
So you have the makings of a dark comedy.
There is probably a leader board for “The Season.” The lead probably has a rival assassin. The lead used to be the number one assassin every year. Now the lead is just going through the motions.
Maybe the rival is a young kid who is getting all the hype. The Justin Bieber of assassins.
All the assassin groupies love ‘the kid’ but while he has flash, he has no technique and no respect for the game.
So you have the lead character who is ‘old school’ and near the top of the leader board but has lost his love for the game.
and you have the ‘kid’ who is leading everyone in ‘the season’ but is messy.
And in between the killings the assassin is going to yoga class with an odd assortment of quirky characters. All of whom have an enjoyment of life. Who embrace life. And through that experience he learns to become one with himself, enjoy life and rediscover his love of killing….
of course this is just extrapolation on my part…
Just saying that his general angst needs to be in the framework of a ?specific objective goal. ?Whatever that may be.
Why does he need to rediscover his love for the kill if not because he needs it for a specific job? ?What’s the specific inciting incident?
I agree about the goal…
As for the inciting incident, it seems like joining the Yoga class is the inciting incident.
There was a movie called. ‘Shall we dance’. (I believe the Japanese version was the better of the two) Where a proper and uptight business man joins a ballroom dancing class. Everything is going normal and then he joins the class and his perspective begins to change.
Good points above.
I’ll add that his need may not be to re discover his love of killing, that is a highly subjective ambition. What if he suffers from some strange form of PTSD, as a result of his last job, and can’t kill anymore – he’s physically incapable of it. You can film him raising the gun, but not being able to pull the trigger, or holding the piano wire above a victims head, but not being able to put it on his or her throat.? You can’t film him killing someone and not enjoying the process though.
His goal would then be to use the yoga and meditation classes to achieve inner peace so he can kill again.
For example:
After suffering PTSD from his last job, a professional assassin must undergo a series of yoga retreats in order to control his condition if he is ever to kill again.
I think this would be an interesting movie to watch. I quite like it.
However, I can’t quite understand the first part of the logline, has he not been able to kill all along in the previous seasons that he has to rediscover the desire? Because that is how it sounds to me. Or is he desperate because for this season the desire is just not coming? Does the pregnancy play any part in this journey in a more antagonistic way? because if not maybe you should remove it. The objective goal though is very clear and works.