When her father is captured by the greedy owner of an underground casino, an unorthodox cat burglar must convince her professional poker player sister to join forces to take down the bad guy and rescue their father. — All IN
Rutger OosterhoffLogliner
When her father is captured by the greedy owner of an underground casino, an unorthodox cat burglar must convince her professional poker player sister to join forces to take down the bad guy and rescue their father. — All IN
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Why would a movie audience want to root for the robbers to succeed?? What, other than sheer greed, justifies the bank robbery?? For chump change at that.? Navajo casinos are located in small towns;? the banks wouldn’t have that much cash.? ?In fact, on any given day, the casino would have more cash on hand than the bank.
What has the bank done to deserve being robbed?? (That’s the standard formulation of a heist movie where the protagonist is the one doing the stealing.? He steals from someone who “deserves it”, who is more morally reprehensible than the robber )
While the very cinematic action (robbery) in casino bank, our humble protagonist will be busy playing…cards. You might wanna write it from POV of the guy leading the robbery
How about father was wrongly incriminated and his twin daughters lead the escape (We need more female protagonists)
Good Luck Rutger Oosterhoff
Don’t give away the ending in a loglne
Also, you should change your inciting incident, The goal is to rescue his daughter, so the inciting incident would be his daughter getting kidnapped. (or taken)
The goal and the inciting incident should match.
>>> enough time to rob the casino?s bank and free his ? by the casino/bank owner ? wrongly imprisoned daughter from jail
Well, which one is the primary objective goal?? ? ?What is the one that really matters?? Whatever the answer is should be the only goal? given the logline.? ?A plot is the pursuit of one primary objective goal.? Not two or more.? Just one.? ?The other “goals” are subordinate stepping stones, means to the end, the end being? the singular objective goal.
At 51 words, the revised version is too long .? It needs to be trimmed down to the fundamentals of the formula.
>>his primary goal is to free his daughter from jail.
So the other event-goals are diversionary tactics, means to that end. The plot is about a professional card counter who stages a series of diversionary crimes and incidents so he can free his unjustly imprisoned daughter from the local jail.
Okay.
How hard is that to do in a small reservation town (all reservation towns are small) with a small police force?? What is the risk factor is, the jeopardy that ratchets up dramatic tension, keeps the audience on the edge of their seats, wondering, fearing he will fail?? In a heist film, going into the 2nd Act, the odds have to seem overwhelming against the protagonist being able to achieve his objective goal.? The obstacles have to seem insurmountable.? ?As in “Oceans 11”, for example.? The fun in a heist movie is seeing how the protagonist (and his crew) pull off the impossible.
What makes it seemingly impossible for the card counter to succeed?
…. yes, I know, how did she get in to his ‘highly secured mansion’ in the first place. Let’s leave something to be explained in the story….
“When her father is captured?by the greedy owner of an underground casino, an unorthodox cat burglar?must convince her professional poker player sister to join forces to take down the bad guy and rescue their father.”
If you’re going to have the bad guy be Navajo, you should have the father be Native American as well.
Perhaps a Navajo law enforcement officer investigating the casino. When he discovers illegal activity they capture him.
This event sets the story in motion as the ‘wild’ younger sister who took on life as a cat burglar (To steal back Navajo artifacts) must convince her by the book and uptight sister to join forces to rescue dad.
Perhaps the sister is now a district attorney?but in her youth was an amazing poker player.
Your right, they all are Navajo.? I also like the back story.? Of course, as DPG says, the question is all of it PRIMAL enough?
Also I’m thinking about The fanmily being Navajo because Jerel Damon, my partner in crime, is Navajo and knows the people who run the casino there….
Talking about burglers, this is Jerels movie I invested in- “Prowler”:?https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0on8wU08SnA
Voice Over: Jerel
Actor :Max Graham
X-rated cameo (just kidding): Jerel
If their is some stutter in the movie , it is because of the f#cked up uploading.
Agree with all previous comments. There are lots of elements in this logline that I think pose more questions and make it quite confusing to understand where the story is. Why is the father imprisoned? Is the “sodomised” relevant? (I’m curious why he would be sodomised anyway… seems a bit strange to me). How did the tech girl break into his highly secure mansion… and does she then just stand there holding a gun for the duration? Why does she need to do this? Surely she’d be better put to use helping the dare devil sister break their dad out? “Jail” to me suggests the law is involved – rather than just being imprisoned in the casino. I like that there’s this family element to the story and that should be the focus.
I think that Richiev’s example logline is great and, other than a mean casino boss, I see very little similarity to Ocean’s 11.
Hope this all helps. Definitely think there’s a story in here though 🙂