Logliner
Posted: 2016-03-06T22:06:50+10:00 In:

When intruders break into her home, the ghost of a paraplegic must save her unsuspecting husband from the intruders’ sinister plan that involves planting venomous snakes in the husband’s closet.

Ada’s Porch

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    2 Reviews

    1. Best Answer
      Singularity

      Per FFF:
      >>>And no idea of what kind of interactions a ghost can have with the intruders.

      Neither do I. If the ghost has any capacity to? interact with the material world, why doesn’t she?deal with the snakes herself?? Or the intruders?? End of problem.

      If she doesn’t have the capacity, then how can she possibly save her husband?

      What are the rules of engagement?

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    2. Best Answer
      Mentor

      I like A LOT the concept of a paraplegic fighting ?intruders but the logline need to be clear.

      “she?s actually dead”,?actually?
      The problem is that the reader (me) has no clues about what actually is a dead paraplegic… a kind of ghost? I can’t picture this movie in my mind with such a vague description of the main character.
      And no idea of what kind of interactions a ghost can have with the intruders.

      “from the intruders? sinister plan”. You can avoid this sentence because it’s vague, it doesn’t mean anything – 2 possibilities, tell us what is the plan, tell us nothing. A logline is not a teaser.

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