When Jack saw a dream that his only daughter killed by a boy ?jack try to find and kill that boy?
bekiLogliner
When Jack saw a dream that his only daughter killed by a boy ?jack try to find and kill that boy?
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The only thing I would add to jacksparrow?s answer is to make the dream more concrete.
You have to let people know her murder is 100% without his action.
To save his daughter, a?father must find the boy who killed her in his dream.
“When a man with Precognition foresees his daughter’s death in an accident, He sets off on a dark road to change fate and save his daughter no matter the cost.”
“When Jack saw a dream that his only daughter killed by a boy ?jack try to find and kill that boy?” (21 words)
I agree with mikepedley85 and Richiev.
This logline seems to have all the necessary elements for a logline, the just omits important background information and is worded in a way that could confuse a reader.
Unless the character is a historical figure or from a pre-established universe, do not include names.
Here’s an example:?After he dreams the murder of his daughter, a clairvoyant man must find the boy who kills her to prevent her murder. (22 words)
Why can’t he just stop the boy killing his daughter? Why does he have to kill him? The goal is to save the daughter NOT kill the boy first. This immediately creates sympathy for the protagonist and is much more logical. If the boy dies in the process then so be it but that’s not his intention. All he should want to do is save his daughter.
In the logline there is a fundamental piece of information missing. Without knowing that what Jack dreams comes true the whole logline is just bizarre. Jack just sounds crazy and not the good kind.
Check out the “Our formula” page for help with formatting. It’s not far off but you can definitely lose the “…” and consider giving Jack a characteristic to flesh out his character a bit. Is he a good father? Drunk? Estranged?
Hope this helps.
I don’t understand, why doesn’t Jack try to Prevent his daughter from killing the boy…
Is Jack a psychopath?
Is Jack a very dull boy?
Did his daughter get her murderous impulses from Jack?
Why are we rooting for a murderer?
No really, it’s okay to have a murderer as a lead character I just don’t understand your story as written in the logline.
Jack decide to kill because of? what he saw in dream always comes in real….