When mutilated animals begin showing up in a small Ohio town and all signs begin to point in an impossible, draconic direction, a new sheriff with something to prove must enlist the help of the high school janitor with a mysterious family past to kill the beast before anyone else gets hurt.
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When mutilated animals begin showing up in a small Ohio town and all signs begin to point in an impossible, draconic direction, a new sheriff with something to prove must enlist the help of the high school janitor with a mysterious family past to kill the beast before anyone else gets hurt.
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I had to read this a couple of times… that’s not good.
However, if draconic direction means there is a dragon, I think the story itself sounds interesting. But if you mean dragon you should just say dragon (For clarity)
I am going to give this a logline attempt, I apologize in advance for adding one element that is not in your logline but I just thought it would be interesting.
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“When no one believes the recent cattle mutilations are caused by a mythical dragon, an alcoholic small-town sheriff must enlist the aid of a reclusive mythology expert, and the high school?DnD club to kill the beast and save his town.”
Why the janitor? A mysterious family doesn?t really tell us much. ?It is also his family not him. Get rid of MUST, ?give the character some agency. Using must removes choice.
A Small town?s new ?sheriff and a Native American mystic working as a janitor team up to defeat a dragon killing cattle before anyone gets killed.
You could now added the addition overall conflict.
A Small town?s new ?sheriff and a Native American mystic working as a janitor team up to defeat a dragon killing cattle before anyone gets killed. ?But their lack of credibility with the town hampers their effort as their warnings go ignored.
I have no idea if that happens. ?But you have scope if you be more concise with your wording.
Loglines are best written using specific and brief descriptions.
The above could be rewritten as:
After a dragon mutilates his pet dog, a newbie sheriff must enlist the help of the school janitor, a descendant of dragon hunters, to save the town.
A modern-day knights and dragons story could be interesting, but it needs to be described with efficiency and clarity.
I like the idea, but agree with others that it is too long. Here’s a suggestion:
When mutilated animals begin showing up in a small Ohio town, a new sheriff with something to prove enlists the help of the high school janitor with a mysterious family past to kill the beast before anyone else gets hurt.