After her retired client dies, a social worker risks her life when she discovers a fake agency luring properties from pensioners in exchange for a till-the-end-of-their-life home care. (latest update)
JanCabalLogliner
After her retired client dies, a social worker risks her life when she discovers a fake agency luring properties from pensioners in exchange for a till-the-end-of-their-life home care. (latest update)
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What is the motivation for her to investigate the death? What was so suspicious about the death? However, if the old guy or gal would have disappeared, then the circumstances could be seen as suspicious. Otherwise, sad as it may be, seniors die at a higher rate than members of younger demographics.
This is the original logline that I am posting here for a reference.
When one of her retired client dies, a social worker uncovers a secret world of horrifying aged care business involving fake real estate contracts, abuse and murder. (original logline)
Your second attempt is more clear about what is going on, and with less words.
Maybe this makes more sense?
After?one of her retired clients suspiciously dies, a social worker puts her life?at risk when?she?discovers a?fake agency luring properties from pensioners in exchange for a till-the-end-of-their-life home care.
Thats?36 words. Let’s see if I can short it somehow 😀
This isn’t a bad set-up. However you should tell us what the goal of the character is, what they must do about this discovery.