Behind the Eyes
"When Paul, a lonely high school student, starts seeing his negative emotions manifest in the form of people he will have to confront the greatest enemy of all: himself."
Share
Have an account? Sign In Now
Lost your password? Please enter your email address. You will receive a link and will create a new password via email.
Please briefly explain why you feel this question should be reported.
Please briefly explain why you feel this answer should be reported.
Please briefly explain why you feel this user should be reported.
When a teenager’s negative emotions come alive as school bullies, he must vanquish each one until he faces the biggest bully of all: himself.
YOURS: “When Paul, a lonely high school student, starts seeing his negative emotions manifest in the form of people he will have to confront the greatest enemy of all: himself.” (29 words)
I’ve taken some liberties and extrapolated some plot details that seemed to fit:
“When a lonely high-schooler’s negative emotions come alive, manifesting as new students, he must vanquish each and face the inevitable boss fight — against himself.” (25 words)
– We don’t need his name.
– In the original, having his emotions manifest as people doesn’t seem a particularly bad thing. What do the embodied emotions do? Must he defeat them or reconcile/befriend them?
– Sounds a bit like SCOTT PILGRIM V. WORLD
– The revision implies our lonely protag finds his solace in gaming.
Interesting. I think we all do this in varying degrees in our own lives which is why it could connect to people.As you have it worded though it might be a bit too existential. I’ve heard that execs are not keen on ‘hero as own worst enemy’ stories. The hero’s worst quality needs to inhabit the worst dude who will be his antagonist. Maybe he sees his lesser negative emotions in lesser bad guys but he them meets the guy who manifests his worst inner negativity. Thing is, like I said before, this is what any screenplay about almost anything should be about on the ‘inner journey’ level. If you are proposing, for comic effect, to externalize this internal symbolism, then it could work but you would be writing a farcical comedy because your observations would be obvious rather than allowing the audience to discover the subtext. I think this can definitely be done and has been. Like any comedy though, it is a fine line between the “on the nose yes of course we know that is what that person/ thing means” and a witty angle on the obvious that doesn’t make us cringe.
WARNING- STORY SUGGESTION: what if the man’s negative emotions are about women. What if he meets one great woman after another but he rejects each one for some fault he hates– and that fault is something that exists inside of him. His objective is to meet the right woman but then he is his own worst enemy. It becomes a romantic comedy.
Possibilities here 🙂 Enjoyed thinking about it. Peace and good luck!