Revised2: Upon learning their time-line has been sabotaged, an insecure, scatterbrained time-travel expert must win the faith of her cranky husband and her team, in time to save her wrongfully terminated project and their marriage.
JessieSamurai
Revised2: Upon learning their time-line has been sabotaged, an insecure, scatterbrained time-travel expert must win the faith of her cranky husband and her team, in time to save her wrongfully terminated project and their marriage.
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This Sci-fi plot carries a big heart for internal conflict; really like where it’s headed..
Some stuff —
1. How is this “stranded time traveller” related to the protagonist (her brother or something?)
2. Why “must” she recruit her husband given they don’t have good chemistry anyway…
3. Does your logline need “…due kill them all or save the project and their marriage”
It’d be relatable as hell if you reap its comic potential. Good luck Jessie
Hi! Thanks! It?s actually for a fan fiction audio drama, script is well received by fellow geeks. Episode 1/4 is currently in post, but I thought I?d test run the logline, before I give it to our visual artist. And yep, there?s indeed a good dose of comedy there too.
Therefore, I dodged being a relative and such on purpose and their relationship in the marriage is well, complicated. Hostile would be more clear cut. I guess he?s maybe mainly condescending/overprotective, a bit full of himself/happy to argue at the worst possible moment lol. More of a hands on person, rather freaked out by her scatterbrain trait. It seems to work in the story, but is tough to logline for me. Plus he?s the narrator. (I know, it shouldn?t work, but it seems to)
Hmmm. Can you think of keeping in the risk of their action and the time travel component?
Where (or when) Is her brother trapped?
your logline got a whole lot better, but it still doesn’t answer WHY must SHE correct the timeline when it is a crazy long-shot
Are you sure about “otherwise their world will blow up”?
Yes events are mere medium to make characters react and it is an interesting plot to reveal the inside of a disagreeing couple
I am convinced you can come up with better relation of “…their terminated project…” & “…her attempt at correcting the timeline…” (an even better causality that is)
Let me try and approach it analytically
Protagonist: scatterbrained genius time travel expert
Inciting incident: a deadline to keep their project/retrieve the stranded time traveller
Action 1: meet the deadline
Antagonist: the chairman
Mid point: learning their timeline has been sabotaged
Antagonist 2: unknown entity
Obstacles 2: their tech is down for now, they are fired from the project, key persons (husband and another key scientist) are quarrelsome/ apathetic, protagonist is disheartened.
Action 2: overcome differences to find a possible solution.
All is lost moment: the only person they can send back in time will be erased from existence any moment. The only approach that could work will kill them, but if the past was changed, this never happened anyway.
End: she wins the faith of her husband and her crew, they ?mutiny? to get hold of the tech and they go for it.
This logline screams part of “Timeless”.
However, what is it about the terminated project that’s important to her?? What is significant about the loss of marriage?? What is causing the timeline to slip that she had to go back and forth to fix what’s not correct?
I like the logline but it’s not that clear yet.