Logliner
Posted: 2016-08-12T09:12:27+10:00 In:

When several wealthy young ski bums appear to commit suicide, a nerdy female police investigator must find a psychopath in the clannish world of the ski resort

When several wealthy young ski bums appear to commit suicide, a nerdy female police investigator must find a psychopath in the clannish world of the ski resort
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    4 Reviews

    1. Singularity

      Like Moses99 , I don’t see a hook, a unique selling point that makes this stand out. ?Agree with Nir Shelter that the concept would benefit from the protagonist having personal stakes.

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    2. I agree this is very confusing the way you’ve written it. I also agree with Richiev’s rewrite in putting the protagonist at the head of the logline. It flows much better and makes sense.

      My my main problem is what is the hook or unique selling point of your film? Why is this different than any of the hundreds of other psychopath-cop stories? Because it’s set on a mountain? No.

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    3. Singularity

      Did they commit suicide or not? I think what you mean is: died under suspicious circumstances.

      Describing the main character as female makes it sound as if you’re trying to tap into a gender equality trend instead of writing a story about a woman – you wouldn’t have specified ‘male’ if it was a bout a man…

      Secondly if the MC is a detective, then finding the killer is just another day on the job. This may work in an episode of Columbo or NCIS, but doesn’t make for a compelling crime movie. What is it about this particular murders that makes her HAVE to find the killer? Was it personal i.e her brother, sister or lover were killed?

      I suggest re drafting the logline with clear personal stake, and use the character flaw and job to describe the MC, all you need is a ‘her’ anywhere in the logline to indicate that she is a woman.

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    4. Singularity

      There is a gap between ‘apparent suicide’ and ‘must find a psychopath’ You need something to bridge that gap… Here is an attempt?
      —–
      “When a straight edge police officer questions an apparent suicide, she defies her Sargent and secretly investigates the closed case, pretending to be a ski bum in order to discover the truth”
      —–

      Hope that helped, good luck with this!

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