Penpusher
Posted: 2016-09-24T04:15:16+10:00 In:

When she arrives at a trading post, her missing husband makes her very popular with the local marshalls

When she arrives at a trading post, her missing husband makes her very popular with the local marshalls
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    3 Reviews

    1. Penpusher

      The character, event and action are all very unclear in this logline. Referring to the character ?is vague, a clearer definition of the character is needed. ?Arriving at a trading post? is a weak event and not enough to carry the action of the film. Also, there is no action at all. More specifics needed.

      • 0
    2. Samurai

      Agree with Richiev.

      You have given us a set-up (but no story…) — and a pretty confusing one at that (how can her husband be missing, yet still be able to ‘make her popular with the local Marshals…’? ..and what does ‘making popular’ actually mean??) — WHO is the Main Character, WHAT is the MAIN problem they have to overcome, and HOW do they intend to overcome it(THIS SPECIFIC person is in THIS SPECIFIC situation, and must do THIS SPECIFIC thing… )

      The only question a logline should leave an audience with is “How are they going to do THAT??” — a logline should not leave an audience wanting in regards to WHO the character is and WHAT it is they ?HAVE to do during the course of the movie.

      Best of luck.

      • 0
    3. Singularity

      A lead character needs a goal and something standing in the way of the goal.? Adding that element to this logline will help.

      Also, it is good to give us a brief 2 or 3 word description of the lead character. something beyond just ‘she’ would also
      help this logline.

      • 0