When she inadvertently creates an empathetic AI in her online search for Mr. Right, a lonely computer programmer, comes under intense government scrutiny, which leaves her with only one option?interacting with a human.
byron79Logliner
When she inadvertently creates an empathetic AI in her online search for Mr. Right, a lonely computer programmer, comes under intense government scrutiny, which leaves her with only one option?interacting with a human.
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While there are some cosmetic changes to your logline, it isn’t that much different than your last attempt.
The incident which sets the story in motion should lead to a goal… Instead your incident “The government taking away the thinking program” leads to the lead character giving up.
The inciting incident and the goal should relate to one another. Her AI get’s taken away, she vows to get it back. There is an action and a reaction.
Anyway, there is definite potential for this story, hopefully you can get a logline that is equally interesting as the concept.
Here is your last attempt and the new attempt.
The logline starts with a potentially interesting story hook — a character clever enough to create an empathetic AI — then buries it for another story line that has no hook.? Why?
And that her nemesis is a government conspiracy is a tired, overused and in this case illogical trope.? By illogical I mean there is no obvious reason why the government would want to shut her down.? If she wrote a program that could hack the NSA or the CIA network — yeah, it’s obvious why they would hassle her, want to shut her down.? But for creating an empathetic AI?? Why? What’s the government’s motive?
Good points made by Richiev and DPG.
I’ll make the same suggestion I previously made on the older version – why not write it from the AI’s point of view?
He or she has the most to lose – it’s a life and death situation for him or her. Logically, the fight for survival, when coupled with a fight for love, would elevate the sci-fi elements in your story.