Data Entry
KnightriderMentor
When she is targeted by a rival tech firm for software code in her head, a closed off data courier with a photographic memory must finish her latest delivery to survive. Only problem: For some reason, she can’t remember ever accepting the job.
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sounds like?Johnny Mnemonic, is there anything that sets it apart?
As Richiev said, ?the hook of the story seems strongly similar to Johnny Mnemonic.
?
“When she is targeted by a rival tech firm for software code in her head, a closed off data courier with a photographic memory must finish her latest delivery to survive. Only problem: For some reason, she can?t remember ever accepting the job.” (43 words)
This logline tries to include a lot. ?What is the information most important to the plot? And how does her finishing her delivery stop people from trying to kill her? Unless the software in her head is what she’s delivering? While the ending may be an important plot device, how does it affect the logline?
For example:?After she is attacked by mercenaries, a reclusive data courier must deliver the software code in her head before a rival tech firm can get it. (26)
Now, after all of that. What does set this apart from other movies with similar premises? What is the hook of this concept?
I hope this helps.
How can she have a photographic memory and not remember taking a job both at the same time? I would think ?1 or the other.
Yeah I haven’t conveyed this all that well. I guess, might point of difference would be now that I think about it is: She doesn’t know she is a courier of dangerous data, she believes she is just a sales representative, but turns through hypnosis she doesn’t have access to this information normally.
However, she finds herself a target and thinks they are after the package she was sent to deliver as part of her job, but in actuality she is being hunted for what is in her head.
I am toying with the idea that when under hypnotic suggestion she may also have access to a skill set, that makes her a bit more able to convincingly stand up for herself against trained agents.
I will begin rework end edit shortly
In some ways ?you ?have painted yourself in a corner, it sounds like in your story, the data dump into the leads head is the “Big Reveal”
Your lead thinks they are carrying a regular package but the the actual package is stored as data in her head.
1: As a rule of thumb you don’t give away the big reveal in a logline
2: But it sounds as if your big reveal is the hook of the story so it is essential to the logline
Sort of a literary catch-22
Tha stakes are not clear in this logline. Will she be killed if she fails to deliver the data (aware of it or not)?
What happens if she does deliver the data? Will other people be in danger? If so, she may have a big dillema to face, but this needs to be described clearly otherwise I’m not sure why she wouldn’t just deliver the data.
I would also re-word the ending, since it seems like not remembering accepting the job is actually the least of her problems.
Knightrider,
I think there might be an opportunity to do a ?version 2.0 of the Johnny Mnemonic story, but I also think the core concept needs to be upgraded to reflect current technology. ?(IMHO: one reason the movie version of William Gibson’s story didn’t play well as a movie was because ?by the time the movie was made, technology had advanced such that it undermined the premise.)
It seems to me that any new version must justify its premise by addressing the question: ?in the ?age of ?the Darknet, TOR, and 2048-bit key cryptography, why would fallible, vulnerable humans be used as mules to transmit mission critical data (for legal or illegal purposes) stored in their “wetware”?
fwiw