When terrorists kill the best friend of Elliot Ross, a troubled Yeshiva-grad, he must decide between building a future with the girl of his dreams, or seeking out revenge on those he deems responsible, even if it means losing it all.
Sam DiamondPenpusher
When terrorists kill the best friend of Elliot Ross, a troubled Yeshiva-grad, he must decide between building a future with the girl of his dreams, or seeking out revenge on those he deems responsible, even if it means losing it all.
Share
The way your logline is written, the story seems to revolve around whether or not the lead should get revenge.
I am not sure if viewers want to sit through 2 hours of a lead character choosing whether or not to take action.
You should just make the story about the lead actually getting revenge instead of having a story about a lead character deciding whether or not to get revenge.
That way the lead character will be more pro-active.
As Richiev said.? Who wants to watch someone spend two hours deciding whether to decide? Obviously, he’s going?to opt for revenge.? If he doesn’t, there’s no story.? So frame the logline around his decision, his course of action, not his deciding whether to decide.
One other tip: in non-fiction stories, the logline should not include the proper name of the protagonist.? More important than the proper name is a defining characteristic and/or flaw.
It sounds interesting but there are no real stakes for your character.
There’s no immediate threat so we’re not on the edge of our seat.
If he is fighting the terrorists while building a future with the woman he loves…now we have some conflict brewing.
Agreed with the above notes.
I’d also remove the Yeshiva description – it adds little to the plot. He can indeed be a Yeshiva grad in the script but for the logline purposes, it is less relevant. If anything I’d describe his character as an academic in this way his obstacle will be greater. That said I’m not sure how a religious studies graduate will actually be able to catch the bad guys – what skills does he have that enable him to complete his mission?