When the bus of an addicted fantasy gamer stops at a Utopian town, he will do anything to remain there, whilst resisting the unusual secret to their perfect lifestyle.
clarebearPenpusher
When the bus of an addicted fantasy gamer stops at a Utopian town, he will do anything to remain there, whilst resisting the unusual secret to their perfect lifestyle.
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I can?t help but agree with the other reviewers. There needs to be a clear tie between the character and his goal. What about this ?Utopian town? makes your protagonist want to remain there so badly?
Beyond that, I?m confused by the last part. I?m not sure what ?resisting the unusual secret to their perfect lifestyle? means. Do you mean to say that he is trying to stay himself, not being taken in by this ?secret? or are you saying that the town is actively trying to change him, something akin to ?The Stepford Wives?? The latter is the feeling that I?m getting, but I?m unsure.
Maybe if the bus broke down at a medieval?fair, then we could understand why fantasy gamers, (Dungeons and Dragon fanatics?) might want to stay there.
As Richiev said.
Shouldn’t he be obsessed, be totally immersed in an utopian town in a fantasy game world?? Otherwise, what’s the point of his addiction?
How does being a fantasy game addict have bearing?on the story?
Also, what’s keeping him from remaining?? At first glance,?this logline looks as if there’s conflict but actually there isn’t because you haven’t told us who are what is keeping him from living in the Utopia. What is keeping the lead character from his goal?