When the daughter of a corrupt Mexican police chef of Iguala is kidnapped, he goes om a murderous rampage while unwillingly helped by a masked female vigilante who brutally revenges the endless killings of Mexican favela girls.
Rutger OosterhoffLogliner
When the daughter of a corrupt Mexican police chef of Iguala is kidnapped, he goes om a murderous rampage while unwillingly helped by a masked female vigilante who brutally revenges the endless killings of Mexican favela girls.
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Tanks FFF, maybe she has to kill her father. Good idea. Will take a lot of wok to clean up this logline.
I think the story could work if a father and his masked daughter fights against the bad cops and the criminals, until he understand the truth and he must be killed by his daughter – VERY POWERFUL, action and tragedy – write it!
Hello, I think your problem is that you don’t have an opponent… the masked woman helps him. So you have to find your opponent – ?who fights AGAINST the main character? Maybe the other corrupt cops?
Maybe he is not the chief of the police (too much power in his hands).
There are a few grammar and spelling errors that throw off the reader best to double check these for the next draft.
It seems obvious to me that the police chief can’t be the protagonist as he is a despicable character (according to your second post) and as such the audience will not develop empathy with him.
The daughter sounds like the best candidate for being the protagonist so best to re-draft the logline from her point of view. The masked vigilante seems redundant as she is unrelated to the plot at hand (from the daughter’s perspective) if the plot is that the daughter wants to bring her father to justice that is.
The inciting incident could be the father killing the daughter’s best friend and that is what forces her into action then the goal will be her getting her father arrested.
Hope this helps.
“..killing whom, though? And why? ”
The other corrupt cobs (in Iguala 99% of the cobs) and the crime syndicates who kidnap favela girls, force them into prostitution and afterward kill them – without exception. With a bit of fantasy you already know his daughter staged her own kidnapping. This after her father rapes and kills heir favela house made and blames – who happens to be the troubled daughters (she gets beaten by her father when he’s drunk) only friend.?A beggar is blamed for the murder..
Whatthe police chief does not know?is that his daughter witnessed his crime. And after she finds papers that link her father to at least 200 murders of favala girls in Iguala, the last 5 years, she is going to take justice into her own hands.
But I know the logline still sucks and I’m not quite sure who the antagonist and the protagonist should be. If he’s the antagonist, she (his daughter) is the protagonist. But in this logline I should put her in its first part. Don’t know how to do that.? And how to say tht the masked female vigilante is the kidnapped daughter.
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-3239700/Thrown-bridges-horrifically-mutilated-raped-simply-disappeared-Inside-Mexican-state-900-women-vanished-murdered-1-200-raped-single-year.html
The story here sounds like one that could be?pretty exciting, but the moment I get to “police chef”, I wonder if I’m in good hands. ?And this plot has a lot to untangle. ?This police chief is corrupt. ?He’s a bad dude. ?His daughter is kidnapped and so he goes on a murderous rampage – killing whom, though? ?And why? ?To get her back? ?Or is she dead? ?The idea that it’s revenge seems to suggest that she’s dead now. ?And does he know that the vigilante is helping him and he doesn’t want her help? ?Or does he not know?
What about this:
When his daughter is kidnapped, a corrupt Mexican police chief goes on a bloody rampage to get her back with the help of masked female vigilante.
That’s still pretty clumsy, but hopefully a little simpler.