Singularity
Posted: 2012-10-25T04:01:02+10:00 In:

When the king of the elves decides it's time to BECOME, it's up to a haughty Elvin princess to leave the Green Sea and enter the world of the Human "Barbarians" to find her brother, so he can take the throne.

The Green Sea

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    7 Reviews

    1. You lost me at “BECOME.” What does that mean?

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    2. Is the story about the King? No, it’s about the haughty daughter. How are we going to warm to her if she’s haughty?
      Or is it about the brother? What was the King before he BECAME, anyway?

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    3. Singularity

      Elves don’t die like humans. When they feel it’s there time, they “Become.” Sort of like Obi Wan in Star Wars when he became one with the force. (Except the elves bodies don’t disappear)

      There is a ceremony with all their friends and loved ones, then they lie down and their spirit becomes one with nature.

      I am not sure how to explain that in a logline but it is important to the story.

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    4. Singularity

      Good point Glyn,

      The story is about prejudices. The Elvin princess believes humans to be uncouth barbarians, the last thing she wants to do is travel to the human world.

      It is a coming of age story, in spite the fact the “Green Sea” is huge, She is sheltered, she has never met a human before. Through the story she leans that many of her preconceptions about humans were wrong.

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    5. Gotcha. Well, maybe you don’t need it in the logline. Focus on the daughter needing to find the heir to the throne. What will happen if she fails? Is someone else trying to take it?

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    6. Singularity

      This is sort of Saving private Ryan meets Lord of the Rings. The story is the journey; to find the brother and bring him home. Along the way she is fighting her own prejudices about humans. Thus through the journey she comes of age from being sheltered to getting a real understanding of the world.
      —-
      Having a consequence in not finding the brother could add some conflict. Good point.

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    7. The jargon of Become, Green Sea, and Human Barbarians gets in the way of knowing what actually happens. I can’t tell what kind of film it is. Is it as action-packed as Lord of the Rings? I think more specific verbs are needed. Rather than “enter the world”, perhaps “do battle with”?

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