When the woman of his dreams is kidnapped by a mysterious figure, a manic-depressive alcoholic alters his entire life trajectory to save her from an ethereal shape-shifter that harvests souls for energy.
AnkhEnergyPenpusher
When the woman of his dreams is kidnapped by a mysterious figure, a manic-depressive alcoholic alters his entire life trajectory to save her from an ethereal shape-shifter that harvests souls for energy.
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What specifically must the lead do?
Saying he must alter his entire life trajectory is vague and I don’t see how altering his life trajectory will defeat an ethereal shapeshifter?
“Look out shapeshifter, I’m altering my life trajectory so you’re doomed!”
Does the ethereal shape-shifter have a weakness that the lead must exploit for instance? If so how will he exploit it?
Does the lead have to find a spell?
Does the lead have to create a specific technology that will defeat the creature?
Is there some mystical book he must find?
What must the lead do?
Thanks or your response! Seeing as its a logline, I don’t see how I can possibly include the whole storyline.
The lead must save the woman. To save the woman, he must alter his entire life trajectory.
The back story is he’s engaged, he’s bi-polar because of childhood trauma, he’s an alcoholic to deal with the memories of the trauma – he does everything everyone tells him to do, he stands for nothing, lets life just roll by. The trial that he must go through to save the woman will cause him to confront his demons (the shape-shifter loves those demons) or he will die as the Lagahoo’s slave – and so will this woman he’s fallen in love with. Essentially, he must sacrifice himself for the love of another.
I found to include that in the logline will give away too much. I fell like a lot of those questions will be answered in the synopsis.
Perhaps I can make “his entire life trajectory’ more specific.
What do you consider your hook to be, the key element that will attract the interest of movie makers and eventually movie viewers?
>>>he?s bi-polar because of childhood trauma,.
I suggest digging a little deeper into the medical literature.? ASFAIK , bi-polar disorder has been established to be an organic in origin — not the result of this or that trauma in the past.? ?
>>> ?his entire life trajectory? more specific.
Yep.? That translates into? sobering up, stop ‘self-medicating’ with alcohol,? and start medicating for bipolar (because that is the only effective way to deal with it.? You can’t will yourself not to have bipolar mood swings. Again, study the medical literature.)
What is the plot? “Altering his life trajectory” — whatever that means?? Or rescuing the woman of his dreams?
And then there is the matter of the time line.? In the time it takes him to recover, wouldn’t the woman be long gone because the shape shifter has harvested her soul for energy??
Distilling your 32-word revised logline? down to 19 words? this is what I come up with:
When a shift-shifter kidnaps his dream woman, an alcoholic must rescue her before her soul? is harvested for energy.
I’m dubious? afflicting the protagonist with schizophrenia.? In years gone by, schizophrenia was a disorder that writers could handily inflict upon characters because of ignorance? about the true causes and symptoms of the disorder.? But now we know so much more, chronically and acutely.? How it so cripples waking consciousness. IMHO,? it’s not credible that he would be able to cognitively function? well enough to rescue anyone, even himself.? It’s even more incredible when his mental disorder is further messed up with alcoholism.
(I write this as someone who has real life experience in interacting with people afflicted with schizophrenia.? “Literally hands on” experience in a few cases where I had to physically assist in subduing people overwhelmed by their hallucinations.)
Well, one might argue, the genre is a fantasy.? Doesn’t that grant the writer a license to play loose and fancy with the any and all facts?? ?I don’t think so..? A fantasy asks a reader or viewer to suspend disbelief.? But I think disbelief can only be suspended so long and so far.? The incredible must be anchored in the credible.?
And the most important credible anchor is human emotion and human behavior.?Viewers will suspend disbelief for factual fabulism but, IMHO, they will never suspend disbelief for emotional fabulism.
fwiw
I find the phrasing of “mysterious figure” to be vague. When I first read it, I imagined a mysterious, cloaked HUMAN. You tell us in the end what the “figure” is, so why not spell it out right away? “When the woman of his dreams is kidnapped by a ethereal shape-shifter, a manic-depressive alcoholic must alter his enitre life trajectory in order to save her from having her soul harvested for energy”.
I also find “life trajectory” to be pretty vague also. Maybe if you alter it to “must enter another realm of reality in order to”
AnkhEnergy:
You’ve obviously put a lot of thought and imagination into your story.? I’ve said my 2.5 cents worth on the psychopathology and will leave it at that.
One final thought: you’re synopsis discloses information I was totally unaware of, could have never gleaned from the logline.? Information that frames your story in a different light.? Specifically, that your story is? specific setting as to country (Brazil) and culture (African).? I suggest this is need-to-know information that needs to be? concisely included in the logline because it’s your story hook.
In my book,? the most important factor in a logline, the must-have ingredient,? is the story hook,? an interest grabber that distinguishes,? differentiates a story from other stories with similar generic plot lines.? In this case,? from other plots about flawed a protagonist needing to rescue a damsel in distress from a malevolent entity.
Regards and best wishes with your writing.