When ruthless alien killers with chameleon abilities escape to Earth, an elite, combat security officer must kill or recapture them before they slaughter the humans that get in their way
Jay Cannon (JC)Logliner
When ruthless alien killers with chameleon abilities escape to Earth, an elite, combat security officer must kill or recapture them before they slaughter the humans that get in their way
Share
Agree with all comments. I would change the “cause the ship’s captain to lose…” to something about the protagonist. Or make the ship’s captain the protagonist.
I would just go with saving human lives though. Although you can have a nice internal/external struggle between getting the money and saving people. Is there a way to link the two? If humans are killed they lose their commission?
When three shape-shifting alien killers escape his ship and head to Earth, the ship’s security officer must hunt them down before their desire to kill costs the whole crew their commission.
“When three killers with Chameleon?powers escape to earth, a (insert adjective)? ships security officer must capture the dangerous fugitives but under no?circumstance?reveal to the indigenous?humans he’s an alien.”
Agreed with all the above comments.
You describe three separate goals – stop the slaughter, save his job, and avoid jail time, but what’s his primary goal?
Tip; It can’t be all three, which ONE goal MUST he achieve before the end of the story?
Yes, it’s an improvement.? But what seems to be the primary objective goal, “ship’s future attack plans”, remains vague undefined.? The escapees seem to be a complication , an intermediate problem, that needs to be resolved before the “attack plans” can be successfully carried out.? Against whom?? For what purpose, the objective goal of the attacks — what’s the end game?? Is there a ticking clock? Why now– what’s the urgency??
Kindly avoid reposting your logline
You’ll find an ‘edit’ button below it,
Thanks
About this version…
‘Senior security officer’ is an improvement over an ‘Assassin’, Nir Shelter was right about selectively adapting for cinema. Now protagonist has got the ?dramatic need? to pursue the prisoners.
What did you mean by ‘ship’s future attack plans’?? If?it’s directed towards my planet, I wouldn’t watch it under Sci-fi (comedy maybe..)? If not Earth, then that needs to be cleared up.
These ?plans? could develop into a strong hook (as wisely suggested by dpg) You might raise stakes for the officer (make it more personal for him) with an unrevealable mcguffin the prisoners ran away with, which if exposed to an earthling would? (do something hooking, like make humans ?superhuman? by its exposure and a slave to the prisoners ? hence the urgency ? since killing a human isn’t allowed by the intergalactic laws {after Valentin’s suggestion})
Good Luck JC!!