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Roman MittermayrLogliner
Posted: November 10, 20152015-11-10T01:11:30+10:00 2015-11-10T01:11:30+10:00In: Crime

When a harmless prank and a mystifying homicide collide, two men decide to run from the police to figure out who set them up. Their camaraderie shatters when one ends up in jail and the other one suddenly has a flawless alibi. A relentless detective keeps unravelling the truth behind a remarkably twisted story that keeps on washing up new suspects at every turn.

When a harmless prank and a mystifying homicide collide, two men decide to run from the police to figure out who set them up. Their camaraderie shatters when one ends up in jail and the other one suddenly has a flawless alibi. A relentless detective keeps unravelling the truth behind a remarkably twisted story that keeps on washing up new suspects at every turn.
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    5 Reviews

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    1. Roman Mittermayr Logliner
      2015-11-10T01:24:33+10:00Added an answer on November 10, 2015 at 1:24 am

      A shorter version would be:

      When a harmless prank and a mystifying homicide collide, a man has to run from the police and figure out who set him up before he gets pinned to a crime he did not commit.

      But I’m not sure if that’s too generic.

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    2. dpg Singularity
      2015-11-10T03:36:24+10:00Added an answer on November 10, 2015 at 3:36 am

      What do you think is unique about your story?? What’s the hook?? What is the feature that differentiates it from other stories about somebody on the lam falsely accused of a crime?

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    3. FFF Mentor
      2015-11-10T19:57:40+10:00Added an answer on November 10, 2015 at 7:57 pm

      Hello,

      you can improuve you’re logline beeing more specific. “Two men” is absolutely vague… what men? This is an important detail to define the story.

      Make clear who is the main character, the running prankers or the detective? You have to choose and write the logline from his point of view.

      Make it one sentence.

      And, very very important, never say things like “unravelling the truth behind a remarkably twisted story”. This is very unprofessional, believe me 🙂 A logline tells the story. It’s not a recipe for the story (‘there will be compelling characters, unbearable suspence and a shocking unforgettable?ending’).

      One last thing,
      the idea of a prank that collide with a real murder is interesting, but i feel like it’s the first 15 minutes of the movie, then we have a classic “i’m innocent, find the real murderer” movie- there’s nothing wrong with this structure but I would appreciate if the “prank” theme is stressed and take over?the whole movie, because this is what is strong in your idea. Something like “when two prankers are framed for murder they must use their prank genius to con the police while looking for the true murderes”.

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    4. bamgomes Logliner
      2015-11-11T08:11:32+10:00Added an answer on November 11, 2015 at 8:11 am

      I agree 100% with what FFF said and the logline that he suggested is really good.

       

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    5. Neer Shelter Singularity
      2015-11-11T12:01:06+10:00Added an answer on November 11, 2015 at 12:01 pm

      The greatest asset a writer can have is the ability to accept feedback, be it screenwriting-guru like generic or not.
      You never know what pearls of wisdom lie in the, seemingly inappropriate, comments a stranger can make until you employ complete objectivity.

      All the best, you’re welcome back anytime.

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