When two wealthy teenage brothers move into a small town, one of them tries to seduce a local girl. While the girl’s brother, after witnessing their strange behaviors such as acute sensitivity to sunlight and religious icons, lists the help of his friends to prove that the two brothers are Vampires in disguise.
Daffa SudaryonoPenpusher
When two wealthy teenage brothers move into a small town, one of them tries to seduce a local girl. While the girl’s brother, after witnessing their strange behaviors such as acute sensitivity to sunlight and religious icons, lists the help of his friends to prove that the two brothers are Vampires in disguise.
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Agreed with Richiev also better to specify a clear and challenging outer goal.
If the main character is the new guy in town (suspected vampire) then his goal is to get the girl because he is in love with her, this is as appose to just seducing her. If the main character is the girl’s brother then his goal should be more than just to prove the guy is a vampire, perhaps he needs to run the new guy?out of town or kill him.
You should write the logline from the point of view of the lead character. Your logline switches perspective.