When two wholesome brothers inherit a strip club they must not only overcome their own prejudices to see it succeed, but also defend it when the upright community decides to drive it out of business
KWLogliner
When two wholesome brothers inherit a strip club they must not only overcome their own prejudices to see it succeed, but also defend it when the upright community decides to drive it out of business
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In that case, this works better:
“Two wholesome brothers invest everything into moving and managing their deceased uncle?s hotel, only to discover it is really a strip club. They must not only overcome their own prejudices to see it succeed, but also defend it when the upright community strive to drive it out of business.”
However, this really blows out my word count.
btw, I do think this is a good premise, I just think the logline needs that one extra thing mentioned above.
Agreed with the above.
I suggest researching other films with a similar premise to see how the writer built the world around the character that made it a must do or die. For example: Kinky Boots, The Full Monty, Saving Grace, etc…
I think Richiev has nailed it. ?It’s an interesting situation, but a not-so interesting plot in terms of dramatic tension. ?It needs to be something they MUST do — or else (high stakes). ? It should cut against the grain of their character, normative lifestyle and personal values.
And I think it would work better as a comedy than as a drama.
Having a character do something that goes against their nature makes for great storytelling
However; there must be a compelling reason why they would.
For instance: Zack and Miri are on their last dollar, their electricity is out, it’s winter and they must survive… so they make a porno.
You have given us an interesting situation, but you haven’t given us the stakes if they fail, or the compelling reason why they must run a strip club.
Anyway, adding a compelling reason why they ‘must’ run the club will improve your logline greatly.