HANAKUSO
torgodogLogliner
When well-mannered Japanese woman notices a an enormous boogger hanging out of a nose of her American date, she has to make a tough choice either to tell him and jeopardize brewing romance or endure in disgust.
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As I said previously, pending the execution, this could work as a short comedy sketch.
The new version is only a re wording of the original post it doesn’t describe a compelling action or a goal rather a dilemma for the MC.
If your trying to describe an already structured (to that matter produced) story and create a tag line for it all I can suggest is shorten it and put a comic twist on the dilemma’s description using a double entendre.
Avoid describing exactly what the characters experience i.e: “…her disgust and discomfort.” rather describe the combination of their nature and situation that would lead us to understand what the characters feel as a result.
As I said previously, pending the execution, this could work as a short comedy sketch.
The new version is only a re wording of the original post it doesn’t describe a compelling action or a goal rather a dilemma for the MC.
If your trying to describe an already structured (to that matter produced) story and create a tag line for it all I can suggest is shorten it and put a comic twist on the dilemma’s description using a double entendre.
Avoid describing exactly what the characters experience i.e: “…her disgust and discomfort.” rather describe the combination of their nature and situation that would lead us to understand what the characters feel as a result.
It actually plays very well, and it’s nine minutes long. I guarantee you’d shit your pants from laughing if you see that thing. I feel unashamed praising it, since it isn’t mine, I am just assisting in submitting it to festivals.
Here are my improvements, let me know what you think of them.
“On a 2nd date, a polite Japanese woman sees a booger in the nose of her American companion. She wrestles with her horrifying choice:Tell him, jeopardizing their budding romance or endure the conversation, trying to hide her disgust and discomfort.”
It actually plays very well, and it’s nine minutes long. I guarantee you’d shit your pants from laughing if you see that thing. I feel unashamed praising it, since it isn’t mine, I am just assisting in submitting it to festivals.
Here are my improvements, let me know what you think of them.
“On a 2nd date, a polite Japanese woman sees a booger in the nose of her American companion. She wrestles with her horrifying choice:Tell him, jeopardizing their budding romance or endure the conversation, trying to hide her disgust and discomfort.”
Actually it is a nine minute long and it plays well. I guarantee you’d shit your pants from laughing if you see this thing. I feel free to praise it since it isn’t mine, I am just assisting director, who is, naturally, Japanese, with festival submissions.
Here is my improvements, let me know what you think.
“On a 2nd date, a polite Japanese woman sees a booger in the nose of her American companion. She wrestles with her horrifying choice:Tell him, jeopardizing their budding romance or endure the conversation, trying to hide her disgust and discomfort.”
Actually it is a nine minute long and it plays well. I guarantee you’d shit your pants from laughing if you see this thing. I feel free to praise it since it isn’t mine, I am just assisting director, who is, naturally, Japanese, with festival submissions.
Here is my improvements, let me know what you think.
“On a 2nd date, a polite Japanese woman sees a booger in the nose of her American companion. She wrestles with her horrifying choice:Tell him, jeopardizing their budding romance or endure the conversation, trying to hide her disgust and discomfort.”
This sounds like a setup for a gag as it doesn’t read like there is enough in this idea for more than a couple of minutes of a comedy.
So as a 2 minute sketch sure this sounds like it could work pending the execution but not for a longer plot than that.
This sounds like a setup for a gag as it doesn’t read like there is enough in this idea for more than a couple of minutes of a comedy.
So as a 2 minute sketch sure this sounds like it could work pending the execution but not for a longer plot than that.
Is this a logline for a short?
Is this a logline for a short?