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SydneyPaul
Posted: March 24, 20152015-03-24T21:50:50+10:00 2015-03-24T21:50:50+10:00In: Public

When women are refused jobs at the city's largest company, a group of women must overcome backward attitudes, language barriers, poverty and tradition to ignite a community battle from the factory gates to the highest courts, for equality.

Jobs For Women

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    6 Reviews

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    1. AHStitt Penpusher
      2015-03-24T22:41:05+10:00Added an answer on March 24, 2015 at 10:41 pm

      Great concept. You should “prosecute” this idea if you’re passionate about it.

      For me, the logline was too long and detailed. I could have got excited about “When women are refused jobs at the city’s largest company, a group of women fight back!”

      Good luck with it. Lx

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    2. dpg Singularity
      2015-03-24T22:44:23+10:00Added an answer on March 24, 2015 at 10:44 pm

      Where is the story set, country, culture?

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    3. Richiev Singularity
      2015-03-24T23:14:49+10:00Added an answer on March 24, 2015 at 11:14 pm

      Instead of a ‘group’ of women you should have a specific woman lead the charge.

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    4. Neer Shelter Singularity
      2015-03-25T08:44:16+10:00Added an answer on March 25, 2015 at 8:44 am

      Best to define the exact obstacle they need to overcome pick one and let it be the main fight: “…backward attitudes, language barriers, poverty and tradition?”. Ideally also specify the character that best embodies this obstacle and make him or her the antagonist.

      Hope this helps.

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    5. SydneyPaul
      2015-03-25T13:06:59+10:00Added an answer on March 25, 2015 at 1:06 pm

      Thanks all for feedback. Indeed we are ‘prosecuting’ the idea! The project is in development, see http://www.JobsForWomenfilm.com

      A little background – it’s a true story, that began in 1980 in Wollongong, Australia, where women were outright refused jobs by BHP, a mega company which was the richest corporation in Australia at that point. In Wollongong BHP employed 20,000 people (96% men, the women could work in the canteen or as secretaries), and the steelworks and the mines provided over 80% of the jobs…so if women couldn’t get jobs there, they were basically stuffed. Wollongong was/is a very working class city, with a fairly strong union history and tight knit community.

      In terms of other feedback:

      – ‘too detailed’ – agree, but what to cut, when actually others asked for more detail (country, culture). But perhaps cutback/refine the obstacles? (see attempted rework below)

      – ‘specific woman’ vs ‘group’ – I appreciate that loglines generally should have an identifiable protoganist, yet the reality of this story, and in some ways its beauty and strength, is the *collective nature* of the struggle. There were 4 key leaders that the film intends focusing on – a very young radical woman approx 20; a more experienced fighter approx 30, and 2 migrant women (one from Eastern Europe, one from South America) who were key to the campaign. But it’s hard to pick out one for the logline…..suggestions welcome!

      – ‘exact obstacle’ – well they were *all* obstacles (and then some!), and in some ways it was the fact they overcame so many hurdles that makes the story worth telling….but yes, I probably need to at least get that across in a less wordy way.

      How about this rework:
      “When women are refused jobs at Wollongong’s largest company, four ordinary women from different worlds must unite to lead a community battle from the factory gates to the highest courts to win equality.”

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    6. CraigDGriffiths Uberwriter
      2015-03-25T20:40:38+10:00Added an answer on March 25, 2015 at 8:40 pm

      BHP was the biggest employer down there. Wollongong is a good trip to Sydney. Perhaps start with the women’s dilemma. “When woman from a small coast community are denied employment from to town’s large employer, a global corporation. They fight back from the fence to the highest court”.

      I wasn’t sure why they just didn’t move on in your first version.

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