Title: DEFENSLESS
While a FATHER searches for his missing teen son, his friend, Frank house sits, unknowingly unaware someone else is there with him.
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I agree… I am working on a re-write…Thanks for the feedback!
Agree with quikoni – whose story is this? It reads like 2 disparate stories so if there’s a connection between the father searching for his teen son and Frank housesitting, I think you have to include that in the logline. Is the missing son the one in the house with Frank? Sounds like there may be a thriller/horror element – that needs to make it into the logline also. You don’t have to include the twist but being coy isn’t doing your logline any favors.
Excellent point! Thank you!
It is intriguing but it leaves me to wonder, who is the protag? Will I be following the Father or Frank? We need to know without a doubt whose story this is.