The Final Solution
Rutger OosterhoffLogliner
Based on real events. “After a decorated Wehrmacht officer?s family accidentally is sent to a Nazi death camp he must save them before the camp commandant dismantles the camp and kills all the inmates.”
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Hi Rutger, I think it is great to see the story in more detail. I would be interested in watching a movie about this event!
Why mix the officer and why alternate events? I think it is just a good story itself. There is great power in the confusion of the viewer about the moral dilemmas listed here. Just great.
Thus the logline in my opinion should be about this story, you don’t need the officer.
Something like:
A wife of a Nazi officer and her two sons board a Jew transport train to death camp Treblinka by mistake – they want out, but the Reich is not very easy on giving away its secrets…
Wanted to push Update instead i pushed To trash, oops. But the info is up again!! Only a couple of months before the dismantling of the camp it is almost impossible for even a highly decorated officer to convince the technicians to spare their lives. For only a woman, I guess it is impossible. So the discussion is/was is there enough material to keep this story interesting. A lot of interesting stuff can happen in the train but in the camp, I’m still not sure. She’s literally only a few minutes in the camp before she and her kids are gassed. What kind of long story is there….? I somehow must tweak the events!
I like your logline although it ironically literally buries the lead characters. Furthermore she did not make any atempt to get out the train. Only when arriving in the camp she realizes the gravity of the situation.
Based on true events. While on holiday, a Nazi officers wife and here two sons accidentally embark a Jew transport train , they end up in a dismantling Nazi dead camp.?
This concept has undergone many iterations and it is nice to see it evolve the way it has. The latest draft describes an intense situation with high stakes and has the potential to be a great story.
However it still fails to intrigue me in a way that makes me want to watch the film. This may fall again to personal taste but may also be indicative of a fundamental problem with the concept.
Considering your latest draft of the logline. The transport trains used to move inmates to death camps in Nazi Germany were horrendous meat packs at the best of times. I would find it very hard to believe that a sensible person could just stumble into one by mistake thinking it is a holiday train.
Even if she was forced into the train it would bare reason that she would see something is wrong and begin her resistance at this stage as appose to when she arrives at the death camp.
Further if they are in a dismantling death camp we still don’t know what her goal is. The previous logline defined them as gassed immediately which ends the story all together so that didn’t work either.
What goal could you give her to pursue? Whether or not she achieves it is less important what is important is giving her a clear goal.
Lastly I write the following note with the upmost of respect as well as the intention of helping and nothing else.
It is disturbing to read you describe the operatives in the death camp as “…technicians…”. As appose to Nazi soldiers on the front fighting for their country these people knew very well what they were doing and why. The acts these people undertook transcended following orders and changed them from soldiers to killers, savage and inhumane at that.
I strongly suggest you change your descriptions as this may offend potential investors and producers. To that end I think better you reconsider your treatment of the subject matter and the delicacy it requires for some.
Hope this helps.
Firstly, following the comments I am confused about the main character – is it the wife, or the husband? If the wife (and children) were gassed soon after arrival, then the husband is your Point of View (main character) and I assume the movie is about his personal and growing horror of what is happening – it is no longer an ideology that he is committed to, but a horror – and he is now living it. I agree with Nir – I find the concept of a family mistaking a train bound for a death camp as anything else unbelievable – but this is based on a true story?
In direct response to your logline – I’m unsure of the word ‘vain’ – I don’t see it as pivotal to your story. In an earlier draft I think you used the word ‘decorated’ – I think it works well as it implies his commitment to the Reich, which is pivotal. For your logline, do you even need reference to the train?
A decorated Luftwaffe officer on holiday with his family experiences the true horror of the Nazi regime when they are mistakenly sent to a death camp (STOP, or continue) – in the horrific weeks before the armistice (??) (STOP or continue) the enemy becomes his greatest hope.
A “Dude with a Problem” version:
After a decorated German solider discovers his wife and two sons have boarded the wrong train and are headed to a Nazi death camp, he rushes to derail it from it’s final destination.
I don’t think you should be afraid of the length of the story. I would certainly keep the original story, and do some research on the officer husband, e.g. was he looking for his family, was he doing his own investigation about them? This could already develop it to a feature film. Even if not, it could be a very powerful short film!
Yes Jax, the part I “quoted” is out of the book Treblinka by Jean-Francois Steiner. I know it is hard to believe, even when it is told (seen) by camp witnesses. It’s an interesting point of making him the protag, but he was not in the camp (because he was somewhere else and did not take that train), so HIS story is not interesting. He could lead the story of with testifying in Nuremberg.
I do like the concept of this and feel it could work well as a film…would suggest your ‘officer’/husband/father is the MC – you can still detail the experience of the wife/children on the train and in the camp – running alongside his actions (whilst he’s doing this..they are experiencing that..), as I assume he does everything he can to get them released, and possibly doesn’t know that they were gassed until some time after (and possibly isn’t revealed until towards the end of the film) it still fits well with his overall (assumed) dilemma – who are the enemy and who are the allies, and who can save his family (and what will he do to secure their safety)? Well worth developing further.
That?s cool Frugal, from the point of the soldier as leading figure, yes. But (at first) I want to stay as close to the TRUE EVENTS as possible. But this would be a great alternative! That is if the soldier finds out fast-that: (a) his wife and children took the wrong train and; (b) where this train is going. The train would feel like a ticking time bomb!
It seams that you are at a cross roads of your own with regards to this concept.
1) Follow the original text as closely as possible making the wife the MC with a true story. Wether it happened or not the inciting incident (getting on the wrong train) seams to challenge the suspension of disbelief for most readers which is a big problem for a logline. Further it appears to have a seemingly small amount of action (both verbal and physical) able to sustain an entire feature.
2) Create a fictional story making the husband the MC which won’t be a true story but based on real events. In which case the exact mode of transport to the death camp can be left out of the logline and the inciting incident is his family being sent to a death camp. In the synopsis you can decide how this happened and how he learns of it to make the inciting incident credible as this is a fictional story. He must save his family from the commandant but in order to do that he must learn the error of his ways as a Nazi officer this gives you an external goal and an inner journey of growth.
In this case you have a MC with a heroes journey, clear goal, an antagonist, high stakes and a ticking time bomb.
The outer and inner journeys are directly related to each other in option 2 as the outer journey can only be completed after he completes his inner journey.
This is what powerful stories are made of.
e.g:
Based on real events, after a decorated Wehrmacht officer’s family is accidentally sent to a Nazi death camp he must save them before the camp commandant dismantles the camp and kills all the inmates.
Yes Jax, I like your – and – Nirs and Gabors – comments. BUT EVERYBODY ON THIS FORUM HELPED THIS STORY EVOLVING. Wow!! I’m going to rewrite the mini step outline. I need some sleep now, I feel like a zombie after living on this forum every night -untill 2 o clock. This story is going somewhere now and I’m excited!!
OK, I DID read your comment again just now ? not at 2 am last night- it makes sence, going to write the mini-step outline when i?m back from work?. this is then his yourney but as already stated it will not have a happy ending for her and the children. If it had a happy ending it would be just an other story!! But what about the husband.
For me the story starts with;
(a) The to be promoted officer/husband now if he survives; him tastifing at Neurenberg. He story and will round the story up at the end of the movie.
If he does not survive,he?s killed by The Reich trying to save his family (also killed by the Reich);
(b) The story starts with the Jewish FRIEND of one of the mother’s sons (which he met on the train to Treblinka). He will be one of the +- 200 (must check the number) survivors after the succesful escape from Treblinka (think: Escape from Sobibor) The young boy will testify at Neurenberg in the beginning of the story and will round up the story – the end of the movie.
You just WON ME OVER!! Ok, at the end some small differences in opinion about het story devolving could be there.
Based on real events. After a decorated Wehrmacht officer?s family accidentally is sent to a Nazi death camp he must save them before the camp commandant dismantles the camp and kills all the inmates.?
If we see the story ONLY from husbands point of view, he does not know that a camp revolt is imminent. He’s saving his family from a death camp, not knowing that here is another possibility for his wife and kids to survive -ESCAPE.
Somewhere in the the beginning of the third act he must find out. We cannot just say the Treblinka revolt did not happen. And it’s a good storyline. It makes things complicated and ups the stakes!!
After some thought, I also DIG “is sent” in your logline. The audience now can’t say”: so what, she did it to herself, what should I care (as you already mentioned)!!