From my comedic screenplay, A MILE IN HIS SOUL.
While posing as a street person at night to scam people, a conniving ad executive is faced with his greatest fears when he loses everything and becomes homeless himself!
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If he was trusted with money to give to the homeless but instead was splurging on himself (casino,women,drugs) it would be poetic justice if he ended up homeless. Many factors could make the inciting incident. Then perhap we could see the high rolling executive transformed to a more compassionate, humane person that everyone suddenly admires instead of deplore. Then he can get his old position and ideally make this world a better place.
Sounds like a pretty solid drama. My only question is, why would an ad executive need to appear homeless to scam people – surely there are better, subtler ways that would have better payoffs? If it wasn’t for the rest of the logline I’d assume this was a comedy because of that part. However, I really like the premise, and if you’re able to pull of that question satisfactorily, I’d go for it.
Good suggestion. And sadly, I saw Trading Places in the theatres when it came out! lol
Obviously, your target is the irony of the situation; very similar to Eddie Murphy’s “Trading Places” which may be before your time. It is a stretch to think someone would go through all the trouble to “pose” homeless in an effort to reap in tens of dollars a night, when he is a successful ad excutive making tons of money (or should be). I might re-consider his motive for posing homeless. That being said, the phrase “loses everything and becomes homeless” is redundant. “…faced with his greatest fears when he actually ends up homeless.”, or “…actually loses everything he has.” You cut it down by several words, freeing up that valuable real estate that is the logline.
Just a thought…
The reason for him becoming homeless is part of the mystery, great pitch to make someone request your script to learn more….
If I were to say “why or how” he became homeless (which was after his apartment explodes due to a freak accident) it would be too wordy. It’s not actually the inciting incident. That happens just prior. However, it is part of plot point 1.
really interesting idea. I just think that you should say why he becomes homeless, rather than just saying that it happens. This would then be the inciting incident right?
For the extra money he takes in nightly and he loves the thrill of it.
This is more of a question than a comment about the actual logline: why would an ad executive pose as a homeless man to scam people?
Thank you for your feedback. A shout out goes to Geno at http://www.thescriptmentor.com for suggesting I re-work my old log line. In fact, they actually gave me detailed notes on the first 10 pages of my screenplay at no cost.
Very interesting logline. Sounds like your protagonist/antagonist will learn alot from this experience. I’m no expert, but your logline gives a great visual, I can see the whole movie which is good IMO.