Good Cop, Bad Cop
"A reckless cop suspects his clean cut partner is actually an off duty vigilante. Upon investigation he discovers his partner is part of a bigger conspiracy and question his own morales by bringing his partner to justice"
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Lose the “Who can you trust” opener – in loglines you’re going for brevity, and this just wastes your word count. Likewise, drop the character’s name. More important if the character flaw … which I assume is his “loose-cannon-ness”. So perhaps we could trim that to reckless?
What is the event that causes him to suspect his partner double shifts as a vigilante? I’m gonna guess that this is what kicks the whole thing off. Once he finds out – this would be when he follows a trail of clues to discover the conspiracy that goes all the way to the top?
That looks a little more like “After (his partner accidentally reveals himself to be a vigilante), a reckless detective …” does something. I don’t know what. Your logline isn’t clear. What is the action that he takes from this point on, and who is trying to stop him?
What’s fresh or new about this idea? I’ve seen the film a million times before. Is it the fact that his partner doubles as a vigilante, because that’s the only new spin I can see (and even that is pretty tired after the Batman franchise). If it is, you need to make it a more prominent part of the logline.
Brevity? really? Have you seen some of the other loglines on here? Maybe I’m thinking this is too much of a grab the interest type of thing. I may be trying to grab the reader without giving too much of the story away. Wow.. what a concept.
I’m also using terms native to the genre “Loose Cannon” is used frequently in cop movies and conjures an image. “Reckless” doesn’t say enough.
And you can’t really give suggestions about the plot of the story, because by the description, it’s not predictable. Maybe he actually isn’t the vigilante? Trust me, I wouldn’t write something cliche and seen before a million times.
If you want a plot synopsis. I can do that too, but nobody else is doing that.
See if my next post is a little more on the money.
Hi Michael, it ‘s difficult to write a short log line. Mine are always to long too. But a logline should be short. Grabbing the attention without giving the story away: pitch line. The core of the story: log line.
About the content: It is teasing indeed. I like the idea that the ‘perfect’ partner turns out to be the villain. But at this point all your protagonist does is realizing the world isn’t what he thought it was. You haven’t left the first act yet. What does the protagonist do about it? And why is that difficult for him?
Michael, There are long loglines on this site, and you will notice that the comments are either, “The logline is too long –or– This isn’t really a logline.
A logline should be about twenty-five words maybe thirty at the most, you are at fourty-two words. Not so bad it can’t be trimmed without losing it’s meaning but too long for a logline.
hope that helped, good luck with this.
Definitely no Act 3 information, but then most of these loglines I’ve been reading don’t. And if it was given to you there’s no follow up interest by someone wanting to finance or know more about your idea or your work. They see the idea as final and make a final, if not impersonal, decision based on that one paragraph. When you’re pitching something, and don’t fool yourself, that’s what you’re doing… don’t give it all away in the first submission.
It’s not my first rodeo.
Also, I think the site should be opened up to pitch lines also, which are more exciting than a logline anyway. Most of the submitters are doing that anyway.
So based on the 2 acts I’ve given the protagonist does this:
Act 1: Suspects
Act 2: Uncovers
I’ve adjusted it
This is much better
Yeah, I think we’re all guilty of writing loglines that are too long … but that’s kind of the point of this site, right? We put up a draft, we get feedback on what works and what doesn’t, then we resubmit it? Try and whittle it down to the absolutely essential, most primal version of your core concept?
Point taken on genre specific wording. I get what you were trying to do there. I’d actually probably switch back to loose-cannon now that I know.
As far as writing cliche – I don’t know whether you have or you haven’t. But if you were trying to sell ME this film (to clarify, I’m an amateur writer in Sydney, I couldn’t help you make the movie if I wanted to) I would listen to this logline and think “meh, I’ve seen it before. Cop finds out that everyone is corrupt, got to bring down the whole system.”
All I can try to do is give you my honest feedback, so that hopefully once you receive a wide enough series of responses, you can decide what DOES and DOESN’T work about your logline (and perhaps story?)
Regarding the revision:
What is the bulk of the action going to consist if in this story? Questioning your morals … what does that look like, on screen? What’s the outer goal, specifically? I still can’t really see your film.
Hi Michael,
This sounds cool… but a little dangerous — IMO… not strictly cliched; the bad (crazy) cop, good (straight) cop buddy movie is almost a genre in itself …Lethal Weapon/ The Other Guys/ L.A. Confidential/ 48 hours, Another 48 hours… and Good Cop, Bad Cop — A Canadian film released in 2006 (you might need to look at your title… but your plot sounds completely different …). The thing that all the aforementioned films have in common, apart from falling into what could be described as the Buddy ‘Cop’ genre, is that the buddy’s always team up to fight the foe in the end, despite their differences — in fact it’s usually because of these differences that they can overcome the antagonist. This is not the case with this movie, as the buddy becomes the antagonist…(unless of course there is some other force behind the ‘conspiracy’) This could be a hook, but could also come across as messing with the genre implied in the logline (and especially the title). Anyway, it grabs my attention, and I get a good sense of the film… but…
I know I have posted to another of your posts my take on using more than one sentence to describe your film in the logline, but I feel it bares repeating — again, just all IMO —
You say that pitches are more exciting than loglines… I think they’re two different beasts. I also think a well constructed logline of one sentence serves a very good purpose (Query letters, for one…), and can be more exciting and intriguing than a pitch. For me, there is something rhythmic in it, a rise and fall that can (and should) mirror the rise and fall of your story… no need to give away the ending, but should contain: a hero – better with a flaw to overcome, an antagonist standing in the way of an object of desire, and, an inciting incident — just the one…. IMO, by using two sentences your are providing two inciting incidences, and not that’s the world’s greatest sin, but to me feels clunky (much like my waffle here ;))
… Good luck with it, and for FWIW:
‘A reckless cop must bring his masquerading clean cut partner to justice when he discovers he’s a vigilante working for a large sinister conspiracy’.
Having worked in law enforcement, I can sense interesting dramatic possibilities in the logline, but I can’t yet see it. IOW: I can’t put my finger on a unique irresistible twist or theme that makes it stand out from the other 1,001 stories written every year about corrupt cops, conspiracies, yada-yada.