L.A. Miles
With crime at an all time high in Los Angeles a rookie DA begins receiving unsolicited advice from the ghost of famed prosecutor DA J. Miles Lenny as they fight to bring justice to the southland.
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The combination of court room and paranormal sounds interesting. However the logline doesn’t describe a specific inciting incident or a specific goal and therefore doesn’t describe a plot.
What was the event that gave the MC the ability to talk with ghosts?
This will be the inciting incident.
What does he specifically want to achieve? What will bringing justice to the southland look like?
This will be the goal.
Use these as the base to re draft the logline in my opinion.
Hope this helps.
Thank you both very much! Here is the original that I tried to whittle down. The pilot is written and I will be pitching it the end of July. Would love to have a dynamite logline…
After finding an old journal a rookie Los Angeles DA begins receiving unsolicited advice from its long dead famous author, an unrelenting, unapologetic seasoned prosecutor once nicknamed The Gasser.?
“After finding an old journal”, I think this can’t qualify as inciting event. It seems to me that you are trying to describe a context more than a story. The story would be a specific case. I like the mix of courtroom and paranormal anyway (but I still need a story where this mix can express its potential).
With crime running rampant in Los Angeles, a rookie DA begins receiving unsolicited advice from the ghost of once famed prosecutor DA J. Miles Lenny as they both fight to bring justice to the southland.
With crime running rampant in Los Angeles, a desperate rookie DA starts receiving unsolicited advice from the ghost of once famed prosecutor DA J. Miles Lenny and together they fight to bring justice to the southland.
LOL ok I am new to this sight and sorry if I keep posting variations but I really appreciate the input and I feel I am very very close to a great logline for LA Miles. the show is based on a true legendary legal character
Bajasarah.
Your recent redraft of the logline still lacks the basic elements needed to describe a plot.
The main character is a DA this strait away ignites associative descriptions; hard working, smart, well educated, believes in doing the right thing, wants justice etc?
The other descriptions are vague and generic: rookie?? So were Luke Skywalker, John Snow and Saul Goodman at some point therefore “?rookie?” adds too little to the specific character and flaw same goes for “?desperate?”.
What is it specifically in the main character’s personality that will be a unique obstacle for him to get over?
When pitching a series I find that most producers want a unique character as people watch TV for the characters. Then they want an ongoing situation i.e. premise because it’s the premise that will give the show longevity and therefore multiple seasons.
Draft a logline for the pilot that describes a unique character and sets up a clear and interesting premise.
MC – DA
Flaw – ?
Inciting incident – ?
Obstacle – ?
Goal – ?
Antagonist – ?
As people have said before court room and paranormal sounds interesting this is a good start.
How about:
After a heavily sceptic DA survives a car crash ghosts of dead prosecutors give him unusually helpful advice as he fights to put a notorious ring leader away in a gang ravaged South Central LA.