Penpusher
Posted: 2013-02-13T08:51:16+10:00 In:

With stars in his eyes, small-town dreamer Dean arrives in Los Angeles only to have his Midwestern values destroyed as he encounters sex, lies, murder, and the realization that people are not always what–or who–they seem.

Falling Stars (revised logline from feedback here)

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    2 Reviews

    1. I like the improvements on this but how about giving us the PROCESS rather than the eventual outcome. (values destroyed) So something like (abbreviated)

      When a small town dreamer arrives in LA he’ll have to fight to preserve his values in a town where people are not always who or what they seem

      OR

      When a small town dreamer arrives in LA he must adapt to a world of sex, lies and murder where people are not always who or what they see

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    2. Logliner

      When you remove Dean, you go down one word, With stars in his eyes is a 5word version of dreamer 😉 Cut that out too and its 30 words! What or who ? I don’t know if you need that here. Makes it longer with no difference or impact. Just Who may suffice?

      Small-town dreamer arrives in Los Angeles only to have his Midwestern values destroyed as he encounters sex, lies, murder and the realisation that people are not always who they seem.

      On the other hand ? people are not always who they seem could be put into deceive,? and then you may even have some space for inner journey, outcome or antagonist.

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