After a peculiar foreigner buys back her freedom from the king of Jericho, a desperate young prostitute tries to free her enslaved family before the fabled city is destroyed by an Israelite army.

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2 reviews

Jean-Marie Mazaleyrat · Logliner · 475 pts

Thank you Karel,

After a peculiar?foreigner?buys back her freedom from the king of Jericho, a?desperate young prostitute tries to free her enslaved family before the fabled city is destroyed by an Israelite army.

Karel Segers · Mentor · 2,820 pts

Better:

"When a desperate young prostitute's family is enslaved in Jericho, she must..."

Also, 'facing overwhelming odds' is too generic for a logline. EVERY great story has a main character facing overwhelming odds.

Be as specific as you can be within the word count.

I like the ticking clock/racing against time.

I know this sounds pedantic, but you'll make a better impression if you close every sentence with a full stop.

Without it, it feels as if you rushed this logline...