A disillusioned real estate developer vows to protect the residents of Almiiitey who believe they will be saved from his company’s plans for their future by a spirit from their past.

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Almiitey, Maine

13 reviews

Jean-Marie Mazaleyrat · Mentor · 2,620 pts

Maybe it is better like that. Please excuse my english mistakes. :-)

"A skeptical attorney, trying to protect against his company's plans the Almiiitey community, is brought to work with a spirit from its past which needs to wreak revenge on the company owners?
(33words)

Jean-Marie Mazaleyrat · Mentor · 2,620 pts

Hi Almiiitey,

Congratulations!

These are main elements of your story, as they define the environment in which your hero must reach its goal (genre, atmosphere, challenges, question marks, help ...)

Your logline would be better if these were given or suggested I think. And you can be more concise for the rest.

According with my upper ideas, it could be something like that:
"A skeptical attorney, trying to protect from his company's plans the Almiiitey community, is brought to work with a spirit from its past who needs to avenge this company's owners"
(30 words)

almiiitey · Wordsmith · 1,130 pts

Thank you for your comments Jean-Marie Mazaleyrat. I have actually written this screenplay and it does include many of your excellent suggestions. I hope that means I am moving in the right direction with the logline.