A grief-stricken man anoints himself the prince of a make-believe country to help his young son cope with his mother’s death but the story spirals out of control and he must come to terms with his own loss before his son is taken into state custody.

Agreed with the above.

Also in the first draft there are two very common phrases used in many loglines: "...the story spirals out of control...", "...he must come to terms with..."

These are bad phrases for loglines, they describe nothing but generic drama story elements. All good dramas should spiral out of control to one degree or another, other wise there isn't much of an ordeal for the main character. Secondly all good main characters must come to terms with something or else their journey is superficial and pointless.

Best to describe the specific event that causes or starts the story off on spiraling out of control and then describe what he must do in order to come to terms with her death be it selling off her possessions or identifying the body.

The first snag, for me, is the word "anoint." An important point - the mom's death - doesn't make an appearance until the middle of the logline. ?You might introduce that earlier. ?"Coping with his wife's death...." or something like that, would eliminate the need to use the phrase grief-stricken and free up some logline real estate. And, I don't think you have to spell out that the son might be taken into state custody. The fact that the dad is losing his marbles, right after his mother has died, is threat enough in a child's life - to the reader.

I frankly ?don't see how the father's lie provides aid and comfort to his son for the loss of his mother.? Two real life princes, William and Harry of the House of Windsor,?had to cope with the death of their mother, Diana.? The privileges and resources available to the royal princes provided?material ?buffers for their grieving process, I suppose.? But?having?the?protagonist in this logline say? he is a prince? just seems to be?talk.? What's the walk -- the substantive, ?material?buffers the father can provide for the sake of his son by lying that he can't provide by just being a?compassionate and thoughtful?father?

Why does the father feel he must lie to his son?

Anyway, I suggest the logline needs to indicate the age of the son.? Because?as children age into puberty, they? become more?skeptical of anything their parents say.

And who are the others?? Kids his son's age?? Adults?