by kbfilmworks · Showrunner · 1,725 pts
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I love it!
Great high concept. But you'll need to simplify the logline...
The goal?(or 2nd act action) is wrapped in the final part of the logline: "is determined to collect the bounty on his badass future self".
I would give this more prominence, and make it more active "is determined" feels weak. We usually use "must" in a logline, as it is a lot stronger.
In summary:
Simplify the setup, and give more prominance to the 2nd act action.
I hope this helps!
Cheers,
Karel
Also, in the TV series Dr Who and The Hitchhikers Guide, characters have been known to talk to future or past selves via the telephone.
Hi priggy,
In time travel stories it's not unusual for characters to encounter their future or past selves - in fact it's a trope. By way of example, consider films such as: 12 Monkeys, Looper, Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure, Men in Black 3, X-men: days of future past & Primer.
