A mature man who tries to balance working his normal job in the day while working on torturing young woman at night.

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The Man Next Door

5 reviews

dnice1728 · Penpusher · 100 pts

Thanks you for the feedback I have updated the log line. Hopefully I can gain even more insight from you all.

Richiev · Singularity · 58,825 pts

You have described a situation and it's an intriguing situation. However this isn't quite a logline yet.

Story is conflict.

The logline must describe the main conflict. In your logline he goes to work (Everything is fine) he comes home and tortures a woman (Everything is fine) Nothing seems to be standing in his way. There is no conflict.

Is the woman fighting back?
Does he have a nosy neighbor?
Does the woman he's torturing have a boyfriend who's snooping around?

I think you have something here but the logline needs some work. Good luck with this.

mrmitchboyer · Penpusher · 70 pts

First off, I find your premise very intriguing - a man living the double life of office slave by day and torturer by night.

Secondly, I agree with toastman, I think you should include more information about the main character and the genre. It's difficult to comprehend whether this will be a drama or a dark comedy.

Keep up the good work!