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2 reviews
I agree with Tony.
The logline is to long and very cluttered.
In a logline focus on one protagonist and one Antagonist ( ...the Man of Authority and the fierce rapist...that's two)
What are the hero's flaws? (apart from being a peasant)
As a guide keep your logline from 24-28 words.
Good luck.
Still too long-winded -- for a logline you need to squeeze the essence of the story into ONE sentence if possible -- two at most:
"A broken-hearted peasant with a death-wish joins an army in the Sahara, only to be confronted by a ghost that tells him he must save his one true love from a violent rapist."
...but this is still too long, and possibly not an accurate description of your story -- but I hope it helps.
Good luck.
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