A troubled young woman, tying to outrun an oppressive past, flees to the outback, only to find herself in the way of an ancient malevolent spirit awakened by a thirst for revenge and hell bent on destruction.

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5 reviews

Neer Shelter · Singularity · 39,985 pts

What does "...oppressed..." mean in specific and visual terms? How is it relevant to the plot of defeating the monster?

This logline is vague and confusing, mostly as a result of it lacking a clear plot and motivation. I suggest reveres engineering the logline from the goal. What specifically does the MC need to achieve by the end of the story?

Foxtrot25 · Mentor · 8,420 pts

As Richiev suggests, option 2 seems to be the better approach.

An oppressed woman runs from her past only to find she must stop a vengeful spirit before it destroys everything in its path.

Richiev · Singularity · 58,825 pts

If the past is important to the story then it is important to the logline. For instance if, ?in the past, your mild mannered family man was a mob hitman... now bad guys have come to town and his past becomes relevant to the story, then it needs to be in the logline

However I am not use how the abusive past will be relevant to stopping an evil spirit...

As a result you should do one of two things,

1: ?Add to the logline how her past is relevant to the story...
or
2: Remove the beginning part of the logline and focus on what she must do to stop the spirit and leave her backstory for the script.

I believe either will improve the logline.