A Vietnam war veteran returns home after two years only to discover that his family is missing, his childhood house is gone, and his closest friends no longer recognize him.

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Possession of my Soul

2 reviews

Former member · Legend · 114,968 pts

The premise sounds very similar to an Industry Insider Screenwriting contest from earlier this year:
"
A soldier returns from an 18-month deployment and finds that the family home is missing - even the address no longer exists."

http://www.writersstore.com/industry-insider-screenwriting-contest-randall-wallace/

You've got the premise above but you don't tell what the rest of his journey is. You're missing the elements:

Antag
Goal
Stakes
Hook

Plus your genre isn't clear. Is this a drama, thriller, scifi, horror? Stick in the above elements and you'll have a clearer logline that conveys the story to your readers.

lukejeffery · Penpusher · 35 pts

The "after two years" part seems unnecessary. Otherwise it sounds really good!