A young lieutenant’s assignment to turn an antiquated battle cruiser into a traveling museum becomes a life and death struggle when he and his retiree crew must defend a colony world under attack.

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Old Soldiers Never Die

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Try this one: A lieutenant's assignment to turn an antiquated cruiser into a traveling museum is interrupted when he and members of the original crew are the only ones in range when a colony is attacked by alien raiders.

Who is attacking the colony world ?? Why must they defend the colony world ??

Knowing these questions and including them would help us as a reader.
The logline starts of good and then I stopped caring when I got to the end.
Make us cheer for the lieutenant and his crew. Give us a clearer obstacle.

Did the battle cruiser need a new part and they stopped at a colony world to fix it ??
Is the colony world their home ??

Also you can cut down the wording for a much stronger approach.

We know by reading the logline that the battle cruiser is being retired and there is not a need to use "retiree" crew as I thought it meant:

1) The old crew who ran the battle cruiser (Senior Citizens)
2) A crew who's last mission is the assignment

Hope this helps :D

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