After being struck by lightning, a geeky bullied teen discovers that he has the ability to obtain the skills, strength, and knowledge of others via touch, he uses this newly found gift to get even with his tormenters and win the heart of the girl he adores.

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Being others

7 reviews

Neer Shelter · Singularity · 39,985 pts

You have described three separate and seemingly unrelated plots:

Stopping the bullies and getting revenge for their actions.

Chasing the girl and ending up in a relationship with her.

Stopping the plot to sabotage his father's roller coaster.

None of the above appear related to each other or to that matter even befitting presence in the same genre.

What is your main plot? What does your MC want in the A plot of your story?

This should constitute the logline.

Former member · Singularity · 114,965 pts

This sounds like you are aiming this story for the Young Adult crowd. You are dealing with complicated levels in this story. I'm not sure you will be able to fit them all in your logline.

What is the inciting incident? I'm assuming his getting special powers. You say his goal is to stop a plot to sabotage his father's rollercoaster, but that isn't implied at all as the logline is right now. Then you mention that there is a female with the same powers working with the saboteurs. Is this the same girl he adores? That would make for an interesting dilemma. If so, you need to consider all of that as you write your logline. This will help focus your protagonist's goal and the antagonistic force.
I hope this helps.

Former member · Singularity · 114,965 pts

I need to rewrite the logline, but there is a struggle, the protagonist finds out that there is a plot to sabotage his dad's new rollercoaster but finds out that another person (a female) with the same power is working for the saboteurs....

Thanks for your advice.