After discovering their world is never safe while his magic ring exists, a humble halfling must journey to the fire mountain where it was forged and destroy it while a dark lord seeks it to cover the land in darkness.

Mikepedley85:

I confess that my SOP is to rapidly read a logline and quickly respond with my initial impressions, because that is the SOP? for how a logline will be read and processed by most folks in the industry.?? So, yes, I will occasionally misread a logline. And when I do that raises the question of where does the fault lie:? in my demented brain or in the wording of the logline?? Sometimes, the problem is my brain, sometimes the problem could be in the logline, sometimes both.

In this case, I obviously missed the word "it".? That said, I? think that "cover the land in darkness", while metaphorically correct, fails to convey why the ring is such a tempting McGuffin.? Exactly what is so magical about the ring?? What does it mean to "cover the land in darkness"? The magic of the ring is that it gives its owner the power to rule Middle Earth.

I agree with you that the inciting incident should be framed from the protagonist's POV.?? And as I said, I don't think Frodo initially comprehends how dangerous the ring is. Gandalf, older and wiser, does understand.? He has always understood.? But as soon as Frodo inherits the ring, does Gamdalf tell him he must immediately take the quest to destroy it?? No, Gandalf only admonishes him to keep his ownership of the ring a secret.

Only after Gandalf discovers the dark lord has found out where the ring -- the inciting incident -- does he tell Frodo he must undertake the journey.

And yes, loglines for imaginary worlds can be tricky.

?

Mikepedley85:

I confess that my SOP is to rapidly read a logline and quickly respond with my initial impressions, because that is the SOP? for how a logline will be read and processed by most folks in the industry.?? So, yes, I will occasionally misread a logline. And when I do that raises the question of where does the fault lie:? in my demented brain or in the wording of the logline?? Sometimes, the problem is my brain, sometimes the problem could be in the logline, sometimes both.

In this case, I obviously missed the word "it".? That said, I? think that "cover the land in darkness", while metaphorically correct, fails to convey why the ring is such a tempting McGuffin.? Exactly what is so magical about the ring?? What does it mean to "cover the land in darkness"? The magic of the ring is that it gives its owner the power to rule Middle Earth.

I agree with you that the inciting incident should be framed from the protagonist's POV.?? And as I said, I don't think Frodo initially comprehends how dangerous the ring is. Gandalf, older and wiser, does understand.? He has always understood.? But as soon as Frodo inherits the ring, does Gamdalf tell him he must immediately take the quest to destroy it?? No, Gandalf only admonishes him to keep his ownership of the ring a secret.

Only after Gandalf discovers the dark lord has found out where the ring -- the inciting incident -- does he tell Frodo he must undertake the journey.

And yes, loglines for imaginary worlds can be tricky.

?

Thanks for the comments, dpg. As usual, valuable feedback.

Regarding your concerns:

1] You've missed a word out (which admittedly means I might need to make it more obvious within the logline). "A dark lord seeks IT to cover the land in darkness." This connects the two.

2] This is something I laboured over quite a lot. It made me think about whether the inciting incident should be when Frodo learns the truth or when the audience does. From Frodo's perspective, it's only when he understands the significance of the ring and how to destroy it that his quest truly begins as this is when he takes a proactive decision and volunteers to take the ring to Mordor. This happens at the Council of Elrond. Although, this could be the Act I turning point. I agree your inciting incident is more likely the correct point, but should it be written from Frodo's perspective:

"When he learns from a wise wizard the dark lord knows the whereabouts of a ring with the power to rule Middle Earth, the ring's humble owner ?must..."

Or similar...?

I was also thinking, if we went with this approach, why destroy the ring? Why can't they use this powerful ring to just kill the dark lord? This is why I wanted the inciting incident to suggest that the only option is to destroy it.?

Tricky one... but I think fantasy always is.?