(Re-post) Post civil war, after escaping a vicious gang of ex-confederates running a slave camp in a sequestered stronghold in the mountains, an ex-union soldier seeks to return and free everyone there.
Categories: Western
8 reviews
The wording of this logline makes it hard to understand.
I think you mean that the ex-soldier is attacked by a gang - this is your out of the ordinary, world shattering, inciting incident and should be described as such from the MC's point of view. So, instead of stating that he escaped an attack, describe the attack itself, i.e: After he is attacked by a gang of outlaws, an ex-confederate soldier must...
The brother and other soldiers are seemingly irrelevant, they're allies and can be cut from the logline. The best loglines focus on the MC and his or her actions - nothing else.
So how does he plan on catching the gang? Will he set a trap? Will he gun them down?
Lastly, which is his primary goal, the bounty or revenge?
The concept has improved but the logline still needs work - there's too much in it that doesn't directly relate to the plot.
Here is a cleaned up version of your logline:
Post civil war, after escaping a slave camp run by?ex-confederates, an ex-union soldier gathers his former brothers in arms to attack the camp and free the other survivors.
This reads somewhat clunky and not very unique story-wise.
My take:
A civil-war soldier must recruit help to seek justice against the vicious gang that has left him for dead.