Jake has drugs to pick up in Chicago, and Leah thinks they’re sharing gas across the county to see family, but when Leah finds out the truth she picks up a rock and throws it at Jake’s face. With no money to get them home, and an appointment to keep with a drug dealer the couple teams up to finish the job.

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2 reviews

I agree with Monique. I think you have too much here. Distill it down to the bare bones. In her example she used 'reluctant' drug dealer. It's always good to give a quick one word description to your main character, especially one that denotes a flaw.

"she picks up a rock and throws it at Jake's face" - this made me chuckle.

Logline rule = drop the proper names unless you're writing about an historical/well-known figure.

What are the elements of your story?

Protag = Jake, the drug courier
Antag = drug dealer?
Goal = get to Chicago on time
Stakes = death by drug dealer?
Hook = ?

My stab at it. This isn't your story but there needs to be a hook/irony that separates your story from similar stories.

When a reluctant drug courier is tasked with delivering a special package cross-country, he and his feisty passenger race against time while being pursued by a dirty DEA agent.

Hope this helps.

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