Categories: Public
Rabid
The second logline is better. It makes it clear the movie is from the point of view of the residents, although I don't think you need to say "His condition worsens"
"When the residents of a trailer park refuse to help a rabies victim, he becomes a ruthless killer and now they must stop him before the virus spreads."
Hope that helped, Good luck with this.
Hey Richiev and Kriss,
Thanks for the suggestions. I wasn't actually intending to tell the story from the killer's POV so your comments have proved helpful in making me think of another way to do this logline.
Perhaps, something along the lines of:
When the residents of a trailer park refuse to help a rabies victim his condition worsens and he becomes a ruthless killer. Now they must stop him before the virus spreads.?
There will be multiple protagonists in this movie and one semi main character. The characters goal will be to stop this killer before the virus spreads throughout the trailer park infecting the protagonists friends and family.
I agree with the first part of Richiev's comments. Save the word count by omitting anything that is unneeded. We don't need to know he stumbles to a trailer park because you can just put 'asks for help from residents of a nearby trailer park'.
However what the character wants, I presume, is help and his obstacles are that the residents won't help him. At the midpoint if his character goes through the transformation his wants become to kill the residents for not helping him and them fighting back is his obstacle.
The logline still needs work and it is a tough one to work on due to the complete change in the character but I think you need to hint at both and keep an outright goal which remains present throughout the film. It starts as wanting help, then killing the people but deep down what he really wants is to survive/make his delivery/evade capture etc etc.
