Please! Review it! Thanks.

Categories:

More details Hide

To overcome the fear of the surrounding world and people caused by mother’s death and raping, the girl-orphan, suffering from hallucinations, accepts help of a stranger and moves to him.

4 reviews

Correct grammar! Best you proof read your material:
Here is your logline corrected:
To overcome her fear of the outside world as a result of her mother's death and rape, an orphaned girl, who suffers from hallucinations, accepts the help of a stranger and moves in with him.

That aside this logline lacks its most vital component - a goal. What does the girl want to achieve in practical terms?

Lastly, the structure and wording of the logline could be better, for example:
After witnessing her mother's rape/murder an agoraphobic girl must [do something interesting] in order to achieve [a compelling goal].

The mental illness is only a problem if it holding a person back from other things. ?What is the impact on her life?

A stranger helps?an orphaned girl?fighting the ?hallucinations and anxiety caused by the rape and murder of her mother before she's permanently institutionalized.

(I tried to add a ?"ticking clock")

More in Drama

See all →

Browse all loglines →