Re-awakening from a zombie like state, a man’s pursuit of freedom put’s his life in jeopardy when he interferes with a narcissistic scientist’s pursuit of global mind control.

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Devils breath

This is a further update of a previous Logline, hopefully taking in what others have said.

The misguided desire of a narcissistic military scientist brings about the creation of a narcotic with the premise of world peace, however his pursuit of global mind control is in danger when a human test subject re-awakens from the zombie like state.

 

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5 reviews

lewisricekrispy · Samurai · 795 pts

Cheers. The story is being told by the victim rather than the scientist, so it will be his version of events.
The scientist is not oblivious to his wrong doings, but sees them as a necesary evil, yet he doesn't believe he is the bad guy.

dogger · Singularity · 87,055 pts

>>>both see themselves as the protagonists

Great! That's the way it should be. But only one of them can be the protagonist from the viewpoint of the thematic value of the plot. You, as the writer, have to pick sides. Whose side are you on? The evil scientist or the guy trying to stop him?

lewisricekrispy · Samurai · 795 pts

Thanks for the input, i'll look at changing the zombie like state part, but i feel that rest of the logline is needed as both see themselves as the protagonists, both have a goal, and you can see what's at stake forboth.

dogger · Singularity · 87,055 pts

A man vows to take down the evil scientist who used him as a human guinea pig to test out a highly addictive, mind-controlling drug for enslaving the human race.

Richiev · Singularity · 58,825 pts

I believe what confused me about your first logline was the term "Zombie like state" which means to me, he runs around trying to eat peoples brains.

In other words, the drug the scientist created made people 'go mad and try to eat peoples brains.' (Zombie like state)

But I get now that you mean they go into a catatonic state.
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"After awakening from a catatonic state, an ex-football player (or whatever he is in your story) vows to take down the evil scientist responsible, who's also enslaved the human race with mind controlling drugs."
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