Rework: When cops are killed in a series of murders, the investigator must catch the contract killer and his employer before they get to his family.

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7 reviews

RussellN · Samurai · 815 pts

Thanks for the suggestions folks. How's this: ?As Galactic Police become victims in a series of murders, the Homicide Investigator must catch the contract killer and the mastermind, to protect his own family.

1yzzy75 · Penpusher · 155 pts

I like the feel of the reworked line more immensely. If you still feel it is off, how about rewording it a little? "uncover the contract killer and his employer"? "insure his family's safety/survival"?

Foxtrot25 · Mentor · 8,420 pts

Change "get to his family" to something more menacing or final. He must also expose or divulge his employer.

Something still sounds off about this log. Not sure what as of yet.